GULLIVER'S TRAVELS
                               INTO SEVERAL
                       REMOTE NATIONS OF THE WORLD
                         BY JONATHAN SWIFT, D.D.,
 
A LETTER FROM CAPTAIN GULLIVER TO HIS COUSIN SYMPSON.
                       WRITTEN IN THE YEAR 1727.
I hope you will be ready to own publicly, whenever you shall be called to
it, that by your great and frequent urgency you prevailed on me to
publish a very loose and uncorrect account of my travels, with directions
to hire some young gentleman of either university to put them in order,
and correct the style, as my cousin Dampier did, by my advice, in his
book called "A Voyage round the world."  But I do not remember I gave you
power to consent that any thing should be omitted, and much less that any
thing should be inserted; therefore, as to the latter, I do here renounce
every thing of that kind; particularly a paragraph about her majesty
Queen Anne, of most pious and glorious memory; although I did reverence
and esteem her more than any of human species.  But you, or your
interpolator, ought to have considered, that it was not my inclination,
so was it not decent to praise any animal of our composition before my
master _Houyhnhnm_: And besides, the fact was altogether false; for to my
knowledge, being in England during some part of her majesty's reign, she
did govern by a chief minister; nay even by two successively, the first
whereof was the lord of Godolphin, and the second the lord of Oxford; so
that you have made me say the thing that was not.  Likewise in the
account of the academy of projectors, and several passages of my
discourse to my master _Houyhnhnm_, you have either omitted some material
circumstances, or minced or changed them in such a manner, that I do
hardly know my own work.  When I formerly hinted to you something of this
in a letter, you were pleased to answer that you were afraid of giving
offence; that people in power were very watchful over the press, and apt
not only to interpret, but to punish every thing which looked like an
_innuendo_ (as I think you call it).  But, pray how could that which I
spoke so many years ago, and at about five thousand leagues distance, in
another reign, be applied to any of the _Yahoos_, who now are said to
govern the herd; especially at a time when I little thought, or feared,
the unhappiness of living under them?  Have not I the most reason to
complain, when I see these very _Yahoos_ carried by _Houyhnhnms_ in a
vehicle, as if they were brutes, and those the rational creatures?  And
indeed to avoid so monstrous and detestable a sight was one principal
motive of my retirement hither.

Thus much I thought proper to tell you in relation to yourself, and to
the trust I reposed in you.

I do, in the next place, complain of my own great want of judgment, in
being prevailed upon by the entreaties and false reasoning of you and
some others, very much against my own opinion, to suffer my travels to be
published.  Pray bring to your mind how often I desired you to consider,
when you insisted on the motive of public good, that the _Yahoos_ were a
species of animals utterly incapable of amendment by precept or example:
and so it has proved; for, instead of seeing a full stop put to all
abuses and corruptions, at least in this little island, as I had reason
to expect; behold, after above six months warning, I cannot learn that my
book has produced one single effect according to my intentions.  I
desired you would let me know, by a letter, when party and faction were
extinguished; judges learned and upright; pleaders honest and modest,
with some tincture of common sense, and Smithfield blazing with pyramids
of law books; the young nobility's education entirely changed; the
physicians banished; the female _Yahoos_ abounding in virtue, honour,
truth, and good sense; courts and levees of great ministers thoroughly
weeded and swept; wit, merit, and learning rewarded; all disgracers of
the press in prose and verse condemned to eat nothing but their own
cotton, and quench their thirst with their own ink.  These, and a
thousand other reformations, I firmly counted upon by your encouragement;
as indeed they were plainly deducible from the precepts delivered in my
book.  And it must be owned, that seven months were a sufficient time to
correct every vice and folly to which _Yahoos_ are subject, if their
natures had been capable of the least disposition to virtue or wisdom.
Yet, so far have you been from answering my expectation in any of your
letters; that on the contrary you are loading our carrier every week with
libels, and keys, and reflections, and memoirs, and second parts; wherein
I see myself accused of reflecting upon great state folk; of degrading
human nature (for so they have still the confidence to style it), and of
abusing the female sex.  I find likewise that the writers of those
bundles are not agreed among themselves; for some of them will not allow
me to be the author of my own travels; and others make me author of books
to which I am wholly a stranger.

I find likewise that your printer has been so careless as to confound the
times, and mistake the dates, of my several voyages and returns; neither
assigning the true year, nor the true month, nor day of the month: and I
hear the original manuscript is all destroyed since the publication of my
book; neither have I any copy left: however, I have sent you some
corrections, which you may insert, if ever there should be a second
edition: and yet I cannot stand to them; but shall leave that matter to
my judicious and candid readers to adjust it as they please.

I hear some of our sea _Yahoos_ find fault with my sea-language, as not
proper in many parts, nor now in use.  I cannot help it.  In my first
voyages, while I was young, I was instructed by the oldest mariners, and
learned to speak as they did.  But I have since found that the sea
_Yahoos_ are apt, like the land ones, to become new-fangled in their
words, which the latter change every year; insomuch, as I remember upon
each return to my own country their old dialect was so altered, that I
could hardly understand the new.  And I observe, when any _Yahoo_ comes
from London out of curiosity to visit me at my house, we neither of us
are able to deliver our conceptions in a manner intelligible to the
other.

If the censure of the _Yahoos_ could any way affect me, I should have
great reason to complain, that some of them are so bold as to think my
book of travels a mere fiction out of mine own brain, and have gone so
far as to drop hints, that the _Houyhnhnms_ and _Yahoos_ have no more
existence than the inhabitants of Utopia.

Indeed I must confess, that as to the people of _Lilliput_, _Brobdingrag_
(for so the word should have been spelt, and not erroneously
_Brobdingnag_), and _Laputa_, I have never yet heard of any _Yahoo_ so
presumptuous as to dispute their being, or the facts I have related
concerning them; because the truth immediately strikes every reader with
conviction.  And is there less probability in my account of the
_Houyhnhnms_ or _Yahoos_, when it is manifest as to the latter, there are
so many thousands even in this country, who only differ from their
brother brutes in _Houyhnhnmland_, because they use a sort of jabber, and
do not go naked?  I wrote for their amendment, and not their approbation.
The united praise of the whole race would be of less consequence to me,
than the neighing of those two degenerate _Houyhnhnms_ I keep in my
stable; because from these, degenerate as they are, I still improve in
some virtues without any mixture of vice.

Do these miserable animals presume to think, that I am so degenerated as
to defend my veracity?  _Yahoo_ as I am, it is well known through all
_Houyhnhnmland_, that, by the instructions and example of my illustrious
master, I was able in the compass of two years (although I confess with
the utmost difficulty) to remove that infernal habit of lying, shuffling,
deceiving, and equivocating, so deeply rooted in the very souls of all my
species; especially the Europeans.

I have other complaints to make upon this vexatious occasion; but I
forbear troubling myself or you any further.  I must freely confess, that
since my last return, some corruptions of my _Yahoo_ nature have revived
in me by conversing with a few of your species, and particularly those of
my own family, by an unavoidable necessity; else I should never have
attempted so absurd a project as that of reforming the _Yahoo_ race in
this kingdom: But I have now done with all such visionary schemes for
ever.

_April_ 2, 1727




PART I.  A VOYAGE TO LILLIPUT.


CHAPTER I.


The author gives some account of himself and family.  His first
inducements to travel.  He is shipwrecked, and swims for his life.  Gets
safe on shore in the country of Lilliput; is made a prisoner, and carried
up the country.

My father had a small estate in Nottinghamshire: I was the third of five
sons.  He sent me to Emanuel College in Cambridge at fourteen years old,
where I resided three years, and applied myself close to my studies; but
the charge of maintaining me, although I had a very scanty allowance,
being too great for a narrow fortune, I was bound apprentice to Mr. James
Bates, an eminent surgeon in London, with whom I continued four years.
My father now and then sending me small sums of money, I laid them out in
learning navigation, and other parts of the mathematics, useful to those
who intend to travel, as I always believed it would be, some time or
other, my fortune to do.  When I left Mr. Bates, I went down to my
father: where, by the assistance of him and my uncle John, and some other
relations, I got forty pounds, and a promise of thirty pounds a year to
maintain me at Leyden: there I studied physic two years and seven months,
knowing it would be useful in long voyages.

Soon after my return from Leyden, I was recommended by my good master,
Mr. Bates, to be surgeon to the Swallow, Captain Abraham Pannel,
commander; with whom I continued three years and a half, making a voyage
or two into the Levant, and some other parts.  When I came back I
resolved to settle in London; to which Mr. Bates, my master, encouraged
me, and by him I was recommended to several patients.  I took part of a
small house in the Old Jewry; and being advised to alter my condition, I
married Mrs. Mary Burton, second daughter to Mr. Edmund Burton, hosier,
in Newgate-street, with whom I received four hundred pounds for a
portion.

But my good master Bates dying in two years after, and I having few
friends, my business began to fail; for my conscience would not suffer me
to imitate the bad practice of too many among my brethren.  Having
therefore consulted with my wife, and some of my acquaintance, I
determined to go again to sea.  I was surgeon successively in two ships,
and made several voyages, for six years, to the East and West Indies, by
which I got some addition to my fortune.  My hours of leisure I spent in
reading the best authors, ancient and modern, being always provided with
a good number of books; and when I was ashore, in observing the manners
and dispositions of the people, as well as learning their language;
wherein I had a great facility, by the strength of my memory.

The last of these voyages not proving very fortunate, I grew weary of the
sea, and intended to stay at home with my wife and family.  I removed
from the Old Jewry to Fetter Lane, and from thence to Wapping, hoping to
get business among the sailors; but it would not turn to account.  After
three years expectation that things would mend, I accepted an
advantageous offer from Captain William Prichard, master of the Antelope,
who was making a voyage to the South Sea.  We set sail from Bristol, May
4, 1699, and our voyage was at first very prosperous.

It would not be proper, for some reasons, to trouble the reader with the
particulars of our adventures in those seas; let it suffice to inform
him, that in our passage from thence to the East Indies, we were driven
by a violent storm to the north-west of Van Diemen's Land.  By an
observation, we found ourselves in the latitude of 30 degrees 2 minutes
south.  Twelve of our crew were dead by immoderate labour and ill food;
the rest were in a very weak condition.  On the 5th of November, which
was the beginning of summer in those parts, the weather being very hazy,
the seamen spied a rock within half a cable's length of the ship; but the
wind was so strong, that we were driven directly upon it, and immediately
split.  Six of the crew, of whom I was one, having let down the boat into
the sea, made a shift to get clear of the ship and the rock.  We rowed,
by my computation, about three leagues, till we were able to work no
longer, being already spent with labour while we were in the ship.  We
therefore trusted ourselves to the mercy of the waves, and in about half
an hour the boat was overset by a sudden flurry from the north.  What
became of my companions in the boat, as well as of those who escaped on
the rock, or were left in the vessel, I cannot tell; but conclude they
were all lost.  For my own part, I swam as fortune directed me, and was
pushed forward by wind and tide.  I often let my legs drop, and could
feel no bottom; but when I was almost gone, and able to struggle no
longer, I found myself within my depth; and by this time the storm was
much abated.  The declivity was so small, that I walked near a mile
before I got to the shore, which I conjectured was about eight o'clock in
the evening.  I then advanced forward near half a mile, but could not
discover any sign of houses or inhabitants; at least I was in so weak a
condition, that I did not observe them.  I was extremely tired, and with
that, and the heat of the weather, and about half a pint of brandy that I
drank as I left the ship, I found myself much inclined to sleep.  I lay
down on the grass, which was very short and soft, where I slept sounder
than ever I remembered to have done in my life, and, as I reckoned, about
nine hours; for when I awaked, it was just day-light.  I attempted to
rise, but was not able to stir: for, as I happened to lie on my back, I
found my arms and legs were strongly fastened on each side to the ground;
and my hair, which was long and thick, tied down in the same manner.  I
likewise felt several slender ligatures across my body, from my arm-pits
to my thighs.  I could only look upwards; the sun began to grow hot, and
the light offended my eyes.  I heard a confused noise about me; but in
the posture I lay, could see nothing except the sky.  In a little time I
felt something alive moving on my left leg, which advancing gently
forward over my breast, came almost up to my chin; when, bending my eyes
downwards as much as I could, I perceived it to be a human creature not
six inches high, with a bow and arrow in his hands, and a quiver at his
back.  In the mean time, I felt at least forty more of the same kind (as
I conjectured) following the first.  I was in the utmost astonishment,
and roared so loud, that they all ran back in a fright; and some of them,
as I was afterwards told, were hurt with the falls they got by leaping
from my sides upon the ground.  However, they soon returned, and one of
them, who ventured so far as to get a full sight of my face, lifting up
his hands and eyes by way of admiration, cried out in a shrill but
distinct voice, _Hekinah degul_: the others repeated the same words
several times, but then I knew not what they meant.  I lay all this
while, as the reader may believe, in great uneasiness.  At length,
struggling to get loose, I had the fortune to break the strings, and
wrench out the pegs that fastened my left arm to the ground; for, by
lifting it up to my face, I discovered the methods they had taken to bind
me, and at the same time with a violent pull, which gave me excessive
pain, I a little loosened the strings that tied down my hair on the left
side, so that I was just able to turn my head about two inches.  But the
creatures ran off a second time, before I could seize them; whereupon
there was a great shout in a very shrill accent, and after it ceased I
heard one of them cry aloud _Tolgo phonac_; when in an instant I felt
above a hundred arrows discharged on my left hand, which, pricked me like
so many needles; and besides, they shot another flight into the air, as
we do bombs in Europe, whereof many, I suppose, fell on my body, (though
I felt them not), and some on my face, which I immediately covered with
my left hand.  When this shower of arrows was over, I fell a groaning
with grief and pain; and then striving again to get loose, they
discharged another volley larger than the first, and some of them
attempted with spears to stick me in the sides; but by good luck I had on
a buff jerkin, which they could not pierce.  I thought it the most
prudent method to lie still, and my design was to continue so till night,
when, my left hand being already loose, I could easily free myself: and
as for the inhabitants, I had reason to believe I might be a match for
the greatest army they could bring against me, if they were all of the
same size with him that I saw.  But fortune disposed otherwise of me.
When the people observed I was quiet, they discharged no more arrows;
but, by the noise I heard, I knew their numbers increased; and about four
yards from me, over against my right ear, I heard a knocking for above an
hour, like that of people at work; when turning my head that way, as well
as the pegs and strings would permit me, I saw a stage erected about a
foot and a half from the ground, capable of holding four of the
inhabitants, with two or three ladders to mount it: from whence one of
them, who seemed to be a person of quality, made me a long speech,
whereof I understood not one syllable.  But I should have mentioned, that
before the principal person began his oration, he cried out three times,
_Langro dehul san_ (these words and the former were afterwards repeated
and explained to me); whereupon, immediately, about fifty of the
inhabitants came and cut the strings that fastened the left side of my
head, which gave me the liberty of turning it to the right, and of
observing the person and gesture of him that was to speak.  He appeared
to be of a middle age, and taller than any of the other three who
attended him, whereof one was a page that held up his train, and seemed
to be somewhat longer than my middle finger; the other two stood one on
each side to support him.  He acted every part of an orator, and I could
observe many periods of threatenings, and others of promises, pity, and
kindness.  I answered in a few words, but in the most submissive manner,
lifting up my left hand, and both my eyes to the sun, as calling him for
a witness; and being almost famished with hunger, having not eaten a
morsel for some hours before I left the ship, I found the demands of
nature so strong upon me, that I could not forbear showing my impatience
(perhaps against the strict rules of decency) by putting my finger
frequently to my mouth, to signify that I wanted food.  The _hurgo_ (for
so they call a great lord, as I afterwards learnt) understood me very
well.  He descended from the stage, and commanded that several ladders
should be applied to my sides, on which above a hundred of the
inhabitants mounted and walked towards my mouth, laden with baskets full
of meat, which had been provided and sent thither by the king's orders,
upon the first intelligence he received of me.  I observed there was the
flesh of several animals, but could not distinguish them by the taste.
There were shoulders, legs, and loins, shaped like those of mutton, and
very well dressed, but smaller than the wings of a lark.  I ate them by
two or three at a mouthful, and took three loaves at a time, about the
bigness of musket bullets.  They supplied me as fast as they could,
showing a thousand marks of wonder and astonishment at my bulk and
appetite.  I then made another sign, that I wanted drink.  They found by
my eating that a small quantity would not suffice me; and being a most
ingenious people, they slung up, with great dexterity, one of their
largest hogsheads, then rolled it towards my hand, and beat out the top;
I drank it off at a draught, which I might well do, for it did not hold
half a pint, and tasted like a small wine of Burgundy, but much more
delicious.  They brought me a second hogshead, which I drank in the same
manner, and made signs for more; but they had none to give me.  When I
had performed these wonders, they shouted for joy, and danced upon my
breast, repeating several times as they did at first, _Hekinah degul_.
They made me a sign that I should throw down the two hogsheads, but first
warning the people below to stand out of the way, crying aloud, _Borach
mevolah_; and when they saw the vessels in the air, there was a universal
shout of _Hekinah degul_.  I confess I was often tempted, while they were
passing backwards and forwards on my body, to seize forty or fifty of the
first that came in my reach, and dash them against the ground.  But the
remembrance of what I had felt, which probably might not be the worst
they could do, and the promise of honour I made them--for so I
interpreted my submissive behaviour--soon drove out these imaginations.
Besides, I now considered myself as bound by the laws of hospitality, to
a people who had treated me with so much expense and magnificence.
However, in my thoughts I could not sufficiently wonder at the
intrepidity of these diminutive mortals, who durst venture to mount and
walk upon my body, while one of my hands was at liberty, without
trembling at the very sight of so prodigious a creature as I must appear
to them.  After some time, when they observed that I made no more demands
for meat, there appeared before me a person of high rank from his
imperial majesty.  His excellency, having mounted on the small of my
right leg, advanced forwards up to my face, with about a dozen of his
retinue; and producing his credentials under the signet royal, which he
applied close to my eyes, spoke about ten minutes without any signs of
anger, but with a kind of determinate resolution, often pointing
forwards, which, as I afterwards found, was towards the capital city,
about half a mile distant; whither it was agreed by his majesty in
council that I must be conveyed.  I answered in few words, but to no
purpose, and made a sign with my hand that was loose, putting it to the
other (but over his excellency's head for fear of hurting him or his
train) and then to my own head and body, to signify that I desired my
liberty.  It appeared that he understood me well enough, for he shook his
head by way of disapprobation, and held his hand in a posture to show
that I must be carried as a prisoner.  However, he made other signs to
let me understand that I should have meat and drink enough, and very good
treatment.  Whereupon I once more thought of attempting to break my
bonds; but again, when I felt the smart of their arrows upon my face and
hands, which were all in blisters, and many of the darts still sticking
in them, and observing likewise that the number of my enemies increased,
I gave tokens to let them know that they might do with me what they
pleased.  Upon this, the _hurgo_ and his train withdrew, with much
civility and cheerful countenances.  Soon after I heard a general shout,
with frequent repetitions of the words _Peplom selan_; and I felt great
numbers of people on my left side relaxing the cords to such a degree,
that I was able to turn upon my right, and to ease myself with making
water; which I very plentifully did, to the great astonishment of the
people; who, conjecturing by my motion what I was going to do,
immediately opened to the right and left on that side, to avoid the
torrent, which fell with such noise and violence from me.  But before
this, they had daubed my face and both my hands with a sort of ointment,
very pleasant to the smell, which, in a few minutes, removed all the
smart of their arrows.  These circumstances, added to the refreshment I
had received by their victuals and drink, which were very nourishing,
disposed me to sleep.  I slept about eight hours, as I was afterwards
assured; and it was no wonder, for the physicians, by the emperor's
order, had mingled a sleepy potion in the hogsheads of wine.

It seems, that upon the first moment I was discovered sleeping on the
ground, after my landing, the emperor had early notice of it by an
express; and determined in council, that I should be tied in the manner I
have related, (which was done in the night while I slept;) that plenty of
meat and drink should be sent to me, and a machine prepared to carry me
to the capital city.

This resolution perhaps may appear very bold and dangerous, and I am
confident would not be imitated by any prince in Europe on the like
occasion.  However, in my opinion, it was extremely prudent, as well as
generous: for, supposing these people had endeavoured to kill me with
their spears and arrows, while I was asleep, I should certainly have
awaked with the first sense of smart, which might so far have roused my
rage and strength, as to have enabled me to break the strings wherewith I
was tied; after which, as they were not able to make resistance, so they
could expect no mercy.

These people are most excellent mathematicians, and arrived to a great
perfection in mechanics, by the countenance and encouragement of the
emperor, who is a renowned patron of learning.  This prince has several
machines fixed on wheels, for the carriage of trees and other great
weights.  He often builds his largest men of war, whereof some are nine
feet long, in the woods where the timber grows, and has them carried on
these engines three or four hundred yards to the sea.  Five hundred
carpenters and engineers were immediately set at work to prepare the
greatest engine they had.  It was a frame of wood raised three inches
from the ground, about seven feet long, and four wide, moving upon
twenty-two wheels.  The shout I heard was upon the arrival of this
engine, which, it seems, set out in four hours after my landing.  It was
brought parallel to me, as I lay.  But the principal difficulty was to
raise and place me in this vehicle.  Eighty poles, each of one foot high,
were erected for this purpose, and very strong cords, of the bigness of
packthread, were fastened by hooks to many bandages, which the workmen
had girt round my neck, my hands, my body, and my legs.  Nine hundred of
the strongest men were employed to draw up these cords, by many pulleys
fastened on the poles; and thus, in less than three hours, I was raised
and slung into the engine, and there tied fast.  All this I was told;
for, while the operation was performing, I lay in a profound sleep, by
the force of that soporiferous medicine infused into my liquor.  Fifteen
hundred of the emperor's largest horses, each about four inches and a
half high, were employed to draw me towards the metropolis, which, as I
said, was half a mile distant.

About four hours after we began our journey, I awaked by a very
ridiculous accident; for the carriage being stopped a while, to adjust
something that was out of order, two or three of the young natives had
the curiosity to see how I looked when I was asleep; they climbed up into
the engine, and advancing very softly to my face, one of them, an officer
in the guards, put the sharp end of his half-pike a good way up into my
left nostril, which tickled my nose like a straw, and made me sneeze
violently; whereupon they stole off unperceived, and it was three weeks
before I knew the cause of my waking so suddenly.  We made a long march
the remaining part of the day, and, rested at night with five hundred
guards on each side of me, half with torches, and half with bows and
arrows, ready to shoot me if I should offer to stir.  The next morning at
sun-rise we continued our march, and arrived within two hundred yards of
the city gates about noon.  The emperor, and all his court, came out to
meet us; but his great officers would by no means suffer his majesty to
endanger his person by mounting on my body.

At the place where the carriage stopped there stood an ancient temple,
esteemed to be the largest in the whole kingdom; which, having been
polluted some years before by an unnatural murder, was, according to the
zeal of those people, looked upon as profane, and therefore had been
applied to common use, and all the ornaments and furniture carried away.
In this edifice it was determined I should lodge.  The great gate
fronting to the north was about four feet high, and almost two feet wide,
through which I could easily creep.  On each side of the gate was a small
window, not above six inches from the ground: into that on the left side,
the king's smith conveyed fourscore and eleven chains, like those that
hang to a lady's watch in Europe, and almost as large, which were locked
to my left leg with six-and-thirty padlocks.  Over against this temple,
on the other side of the great highway, at twenty feet distance, there
was a turret at least five feet high.  Here the emperor ascended, with
many principal lords of his court, to have an opportunity of viewing me,
as I was told, for I could not see them.  It was reckoned that above a
hundred thousand inhabitants came out of the town upon the same errand;
and, in spite of my guards, I believe there could not be fewer than ten
thousand at several times, who mounted my body by the help of ladders.
But a proclamation was soon issued, to forbid it upon pain of death.
When the workmen found it was impossible for me to break loose, they cut
all the strings that bound me; whereupon I rose up, with as melancholy a
disposition as ever I had in my life.  But the noise and astonishment of
the people, at seeing me rise and walk, are not to be expressed.  The
chains that held my left leg were about two yards long, and gave me not
only the liberty of walking backwards and forwards in a semicircle, but,
being fixed within four inches of the gate, allowed me to creep in, and
lie at my full length in the temple.



CHAPTER II.


The emperor of Lilliput, attended by several of the nobility, comes to
see the author in his confinement.  The emperor's person and habit
described.  Learned men appointed to teach the author their language.  He
gains favour by his mild disposition.  His pockets are searched, and his
sword and pistols taken from him.

When I found myself on my feet, I looked about me, and must confess I
never beheld a more entertaining prospect.  The country around appeared
like a continued garden, and the enclosed fields, which were generally
forty feet square, resembled so many beds of flowers.  These fields were
intermingled with woods of half a stang, {301} and the tallest trees, as
I could judge, appeared to be seven feet high.  I viewed the town on my
left hand, which looked like the painted scene of a city in a theatre.

I had been for some hours extremely pressed by the necessities of nature;
which was no wonder, it being almost two days since I had last
disburdened myself.  I was under great difficulties between urgency and
shame.  The best expedient I could think of, was to creep into my house,
which I accordingly did; and shutting the gate after me, I went as far as
the length of my chain would suffer, and discharged my body of that
uneasy load.  But this was the only time I was ever guilty of so
uncleanly an action; for which I cannot but hope the candid reader will
give some allowance, after he has maturely and impartially considered my
case, and the distress I was in.  From this time my constant practice
was, as soon as I rose, to perform that business in open air, at the full
extent of my chain; and due care was taken every morning before company
came, that the offensive matter should be carried off in wheel-barrows,
by two servants appointed for that purpose.  I would not have dwelt so
long upon a circumstance that, perhaps, at first sight, may appear not
very momentous, if I had not thought it necessary to justify my
character, in point of cleanliness, to the world; which, I am told, some
of my maligners have been pleased, upon this and other occasions, to call
in question.

When this adventure was at an end, I came back out of my house, having
occasion for fresh air.  The emperor was already descended from the
tower, and advancing on horseback towards me, which had like to have cost
him dear; for the beast, though very well trained, yet wholly unused to
such a sight, which appeared as if a mountain moved before him, reared up
on its hinder feet: but that prince, who is an excellent horseman, kept
his seat, till his attendants ran in, and held the bridle, while his
majesty had time to dismount.  When he alighted, he surveyed me round
with great admiration; but kept beyond the length of my chain.  He
ordered his cooks and butlers, who were already prepared, to give me
victuals and drink, which they pushed forward in a sort of vehicles upon
wheels, till I could reach them.  I took these vehicles and soon emptied
them all; twenty of them were filled with meat, and ten with liquor; each
of the former afforded me two or three good mouthfuls; and I emptied the
liquor of ten vessels, which was contained in earthen vials, into one
vehicle, drinking it off at a draught; and so I did with the rest.  The
empress, and young princes of the blood of both sexes, attended by many
ladies, sat at some distance in their chairs; but upon the accident that
happened to the emperor's horse, they alighted, and came near his person,
which I am now going to describe.  He is taller by almost the breadth of
my nail, than any of his court; which alone is enough to strike an awe
into the beholders.  His features are strong and masculine, with an
Austrian lip and arched nose, his complexion olive, his countenance
erect, his body and limbs well proportioned, all his motions graceful,
and his deportment majestic.  He was then past his prime, being
twenty-eight years and three quarters old, of which he had reigned about
seven in great felicity, and generally victorious.  For the better
convenience of beholding him, I lay on my side, so that my face was
parallel to his, and he stood but three yards off: however, I have had
him since many times in my hand, and therefore cannot be deceived in the
description.  His dress was very plain and simple, and the fashion of it
between the Asiatic and the European; but he had on his head a light
helmet of gold, adorned with jewels, and a plume on the crest.  He held
his sword drawn in his hand to defend himself, if I should happen to
break loose; it was almost three inches long; the hilt and scabbard were
gold enriched with diamonds.  His voice was shrill, but very clear and
articulate; and I could distinctly hear it when I stood up.  The ladies
and courtiers were all most magnificently clad; so that the spot they
stood upon seemed to resemble a petticoat spread upon the ground,
embroidered with figures of gold and silver.  His imperial majesty spoke
often to me, and I returned answers: but neither of us could understand a
syllable.  There were several of his priests and lawyers present (as I
conjectured by their habits), who were commanded to address themselves to
me; and I spoke to them in as many languages as I had the least
smattering of, which were High and Low Dutch, Latin, French, Spanish,
Italian, and Lingua Franca, but all to no purpose.  After about two hours
the court retired, and I was left with a strong guard, to prevent the
impertinence, and probably the malice of the rabble, who were very
impatient to crowd about me as near as they durst; and some of them had
the impudence to shoot their arrows at me, as I sat on the ground by the
door of my house, whereof one very narrowly missed my left eye.  But the
colonel ordered six of the ringleaders to be seized, and thought no
punishment so proper as to deliver them bound into my hands; which some
of his soldiers accordingly did, pushing them forward with the butt-ends
of their pikes into my reach.  I took them all in my right hand, put five
of them into my coat-pocket; and as to the sixth, I made a countenance as
if I would eat him alive.  The poor man squalled terribly, and the
colonel and his officers were in much pain, especially when they saw me
take out my penknife: but I soon put them out of fear; for, looking
mildly, and immediately cutting the strings he was bound with, I set him
gently on the ground, and away he ran.  I treated the rest in the same
manner, taking them one by one out of my pocket; and I observed both the
soldiers and people were highly delighted at this mark of my clemency,
which was represented very much to my advantage at court.

Towards night I got with some difficulty into my house, where I lay on
the ground, and continued to do so about a fortnight; during which time,
the emperor gave orders to have a bed prepared for me.  Six hundred beds
of the common measure were brought in carriages, and worked up in my
house; a hundred and fifty of their beds, sewn together, made up the
breadth and length; and these were four double: which, however, kept me
but very indifferently from the hardness of the floor, that was of smooth
stone.  By the same computation, they provided me with sheets, blankets,
and coverlets, tolerable enough for one who had been so long inured to
hardships.

As the news of my arrival spread through the kingdom, it brought
prodigious numbers of rich, idle, and curious people to see me; so that
the villages were almost emptied; and great neglect of tillage and
household affairs must have ensued, if his imperial majesty had not
provided, by several proclamations and orders of state, against this
inconveniency.  He directed that those who had already beheld me should
return home, and not presume to come within fifty yards of my house,
without license from the court; whereby the secretaries of state got
considerable fees.

In the mean time the emperor held frequent councils, to debate what
course should be taken with me; and I was afterwards assured by a
particular friend, a person of great quality, who was as much in the
secret as any, that the court was under many difficulties concerning me.
They apprehended my breaking loose; that my diet would be very expensive,
and might cause a famine.  Sometimes they determined to starve me; or at
least to shoot me in the face and hands with poisoned arrows, which would
soon despatch me; but again they considered, that the stench of so large
a carcass might produce a plague in the metropolis, and probably spread
through the whole kingdom.  In the midst of these consultations, several
officers of the army went to the door of the great council-chamber, and
two of them being admitted, gave an account of my behaviour to the six
criminals above-mentioned; which made so favourable an impression in the
breast of his majesty and the whole board, in my behalf, that an imperial
commission was issued out, obliging all the villages, nine hundred yards
round the city, to deliver in every morning six beeves, forty sheep, and
other victuals for my sustenance; together with a proportionable quantity
of bread, and wine, and other liquors; for the due payment of which, his
majesty gave assignments upon his treasury:--for this prince lives
chiefly upon his own demesnes; seldom, except upon great occasions,
raising any subsidies upon his subjects, who are bound to attend him in
his wars at their own expense.  An establishment was also made of six
hundred persons to be my domestics, who had board-wages allowed for their
maintenance, and tents built for them very conveniently on each side of
my door.  It was likewise ordered, that three hundred tailors should make
me a suit of clothes, after the fashion of the country; that six of his
majesty's greatest scholars should be employed to instruct me in their
language; and lastly, that the emperor's horses, and those of the
nobility and troops of guards, should be frequently exercised in my
sight, to accustom themselves to me.  All these orders were duly put in
execution; and in about three weeks I made a great progress in learning
their language; during which time the emperor frequently honoured me with
his visits, and was pleased to assist my masters in teaching me.  We
began already to converse together in some sort; and the first words I
learnt, were to express my desire "that he would please give me my
liberty;" which I every day repeated on my knees.  His answer, as I could
comprehend it, was, "that this must be a work of time, not to be thought
on without the advice of his council, and that first I must _lumos kelmin
pesso desmar lon emposo_;" that is, swear a peace with him and his
kingdom.  However, that I should be used with all kindness.  And he
advised me to "acquire, by my patience and discreet behaviour, the good
opinion of himself and his subjects."  He desired "I would not take it
ill, if he gave orders to certain proper officers to search me; for
probably I might carry about me several weapons, which must needs be
dangerous things, if they answered the bulk of so prodigious a person."
I said, "His majesty should be satisfied; for I was ready to strip
myself, and turn up my pockets before him."  This I delivered part in
words, and part in signs.  He replied, "that, by the laws of the kingdom,
I must be searched by two of his officers; that he knew this could not be
done without my consent and assistance; and he had so good an opinion of
my generosity and justice, as to trust their persons in my hands; that
whatever they took from me, should be returned when I left the country,
or paid for at the rate which I would set upon them."  I took up the two
officers in my hands, put them first into my coat-pockets, and then into
every other pocket about me, except my two fobs, and another secret
pocket, which I had no mind should be searched, wherein I had some little
necessaries that were of no consequence to any but myself.  In one of my
fobs there was a silver watch, and in the other a small quantity of gold
in a purse.  These gentlemen, having pen, ink, and paper, about them,
made an exact inventory of every thing they saw; and when they had done,
desired I would set them down, that they might deliver it to the emperor.
This inventory I afterwards translated into English, and is, word for
word, as follows:

    "_Imprimis_: In the right coat-pocket of the great man-mountain" (for
    so I interpret the words _quinbus flestrin_,) "after the strictest
    search, we found only one great piece of coarse-cloth, large enough
    to be a foot-cloth for your majesty's chief room of state.  In the
    left pocket we saw a huge silver chest, with a cover of the same
    metal, which we, the searchers, were not able to lift.  We desired it
    should be opened, and one of us stepping into it, found himself up to
    the mid leg in a sort of dust, some part whereof flying up to our
    faces set us both a sneezing for several times together.  In his
    right waistcoat-pocket we found a prodigious bundle of white thin
    substances, folded one over another, about the bigness of three men,
    tied with a strong cable, and marked with black figures; which we
    humbly conceive to be writings, every letter almost half as large as
    the palm of our hands.  In the left there was a sort of engine, from
    the back of which were extended twenty long poles, resembling the
    pallisados before your majesty's court: wherewith we conjecture the
    man-mountain combs his head; for we did not always trouble him with
    questions, because we found it a great difficulty to make him
    understand us.  In the large pocket, on the right side of his middle
    cover" (so I translate the word _ranfulo_, by which they meant my
    breeches,) "we saw a hollow pillar of iron, about the length of a
    man, fastened to a strong piece of timber larger than the pillar; and
    upon one side of the pillar, were huge pieces of iron sticking out,
    cut into strange figures, which we know not what to make of.  In the
    left pocket, another engine of the same kind.  In the smaller pocket
    on the right side, were several round flat pieces of white and red
    metal, of different bulk; some of the white, which seemed to be
    silver, were so large and heavy, that my comrade and I could hardly
    lift them.  In the left pocket were two black pillars irregularly
    shaped: we could not, without difficulty, reach the top of them, as
    we stood at the bottom of his pocket.  One of them was covered, and
    seemed all of a piece: but at the upper end of the other there
    appeared a white round substance, about twice the bigness of our
    heads.  Within each of these was enclosed a prodigious plate of
    steel; which, by our orders, we obliged him to show us, because we
    apprehended they might be dangerous engines.  He took them out of
    their cases, and told us, that in his own country his practice was to
    shave his beard with one of these, and cut his meat with the other.
    There were two pockets which we could not enter: these he called his
    fobs; they were two large slits cut into the top of his middle cover,
    but squeezed close by the pressure of his belly.  Out of the right
    fob hung a great silver chain, with a wonderful kind of engine at the
    bottom.  We directed him to draw out whatever was at the end of that
    chain; which appeared to be a globe, half silver, and half of some
    transparent metal; for, on the transparent side, we saw certain
    strange figures circularly drawn, and thought we could touch them,
    till we found our fingers stopped by the lucid substance.  He put
    this engine into our ears, which made an incessant noise, like that
    of a water-mill: and we conjecture it is either some unknown animal,
    or the god that he worships; but we are more inclined to the latter
    opinion, because he assured us, (if we understood him right, for he
    expressed himself very imperfectly) that he seldom did any thing
    without consulting it.  He called it his oracle, and said, it pointed
    out the time for every action of his life.  From the left fob he took
    out a net almost large enough for a fisherman, but contrived to open
    and shut like a purse, and served him for the same use: we found
    therein several massy pieces of yellow metal, which, if they be real
    gold, must be of immense value.

    "Having thus, in obedience to your majesty's commands, diligently
    searched all his pockets, we observed a girdle about his waist made
    of the hide of some prodigious animal, from which, on the left side,
    hung a sword of the length of five men; and on the right, a bag or
    pouch divided into two cells, each cell capable of holding three of
    your majesty's subjects.  In one of these cells were several globes,
    or balls, of a most ponderous metal, about the bigness of our heads,
    and requiring a strong hand to lift them: the other cell contained a
    heap of certain black grains, but of no great bulk or weight, for we
    could hold above fifty of them in the palms of our hands.

    "This is an exact inventory of what we found about the body of the
    man-mountain, who used us with great civility, and due respect to
    your majesty's commission.  Signed and sealed on the fourth day of
    the eighty-ninth moon of your majesty's auspicious reign.

                                          CLEFRIN FRELOCK, MARSI FRELOCK."

When this inventory was read over to the emperor, he directed me,
although in very gentle terms, to deliver up the several particulars.  He
first called for my scimitar, which I took out, scabbard and all.  In the
mean time he ordered three thousand of his choicest troops (who then
attended him) to surround me at a distance, with their bows and arrows
just ready to discharge; but I did not observe it, for mine eyes were
wholly fixed upon his majesty.  He then desired me to draw my scimitar,
which, although it had got some rust by the sea water, was, in most
parts, exceeding bright.  I did so, and immediately all the troops gave a
shout between terror and surprise; for the sun shone clear, and the
reflection dazzled their eyes, as I waved the scimitar to and fro in my
hand.  His majesty, who is a most magnanimous prince, was less daunted
than I could expect: he ordered me to return it into the scabbard, and
cast it on the ground as gently as I could, about six feet from the end
of my chain.  The next thing he demanded was one of the hollow iron
pillars; by which he meant my pocket pistols.  I drew it out, and at his
desire, as well as I could, expressed to him the use of it; and charging
it only with powder, which, by the closeness of my pouch, happened to
escape wetting in the sea (an inconvenience against which all prudent
mariners take special care to provide,) I first cautioned the emperor not
to be afraid, and then I let it off in the air.  The astonishment here
was much greater than at the sight of my scimitar.  Hundreds fell down as
if they had been struck dead; and even the emperor, although he stood his
ground, could not recover himself for some time.  I delivered up both my
pistols in the same manner as I had done my scimitar, and then my pouch
of powder and bullets; begging him that the former might be kept from
fire, for it would kindle with the smallest spark, and blow up his
imperial palace into the air.  I likewise delivered up my watch, which
the emperor was very curious to see, and commanded two of his tallest
yeomen of the guards to bear it on a pole upon their shoulders, as
draymen in England do a barrel of ale.  He was amazed at the continual
noise it made, and the motion of the minute-hand, which he could easily
discern; for their sight is much more acute than ours: he asked the
opinions of his learned men about it, which were various and remote, as
the reader may well imagine without my repeating; although indeed I could
not very perfectly understand them.  I then gave up my silver and copper
money, my purse, with nine large pieces of gold, and some smaller ones;
my knife and razor, my comb and silver snuff-box, my handkerchief and
journal-book.  My scimitar, pistols, and pouch, were conveyed in
carriages to his majesty's stores; but the rest of my goods were returned
me.

I had as I before observed, one private pocket, which escaped their
search, wherein there was a pair of spectacles (which I sometimes use for
the weakness of mine eyes,) a pocket perspective, and some other little
conveniences; which, being of no consequence to the emperor, I did not
think myself bound in honour to discover, and I apprehended they might be
lost or spoiled if I ventured them out of my possession.



CHAPTER III.


The author diverts the emperor, and his nobility of both sexes, in a very
uncommon manner.  The diversions of the court of Lilliput described.  The
author has his liberty granted him upon certain conditions.

My gentleness and good behaviour had gained so far on the emperor and his
court, and indeed upon the army and people in general, that I began to
conceive hopes of getting my liberty in a short time.  I took all
possible methods to cultivate this favourable disposition.  The natives
came, by degrees, to be less apprehensive of any danger from me.  I would
sometimes lie down, and let five or six of them dance on my hand; and at
last the boys and girls would venture to come and play at hide-and-seek
in my hair.  I had now made a good progress in understanding and speaking
the language.  The emperor had a mind one day to entertain me with
several of the country shows, wherein they exceed all nations I have
known, both for dexterity and magnificence.  I was diverted with none so
much as that of the rope-dancers, performed upon a slender white thread,
extended about two feet, and twelve inches from the ground.  Upon which I
shall desire liberty, with the reader's patience, to enlarge a little.

This diversion is only practised by those persons who are candidates for
great employments, and high favour at court.  They are trained in this
art from their youth, and are not always of noble birth, or liberal
education.  When a great office is vacant, either by death or disgrace
(which often happens,) five or six of those candidates petition the
emperor to entertain his majesty and the court with a dance on the rope;
and whoever jumps the highest, without falling, succeeds in the office.
Very often the chief ministers themselves are commanded to show their
skill, and to convince the emperor that they have not lost their faculty.
Flimnap, the treasurer, is allowed to cut a caper on the straight rope,
at least an inch higher than any other lord in the whole empire.  I have
seen him do the summerset several times together, upon a trencher fixed
on a rope which is no thicker than a common packthread in England.  My
friend Reldresal, principal secretary for private affairs, is, in my
opinion, if I am not partial, the second after the treasurer; the rest of
the great officers are much upon a par.

These diversions are often attended with fatal accidents, whereof great
numbers are on record.  I myself have seen two or three candidates break
a limb.  But the danger is much greater, when the ministers themselves
are commanded to show their dexterity; for, by contending to excel
themselves and their fellows, they strain so far that there is hardly one
of them who has not received a fall, and some of them two or three.  I
was assured that, a year or two before my arrival, Flimnap would
infallibly have broke his neck, if one of the king's cushions, that
accidentally lay on the ground, had not weakened the force of his fall.

There is likewise another diversion, which is only shown before the
emperor and empress, and first minister, upon particular occasions.  The
emperor lays on the table three fine silken threads of six inches long;
one is blue, the other red, and the third green.  These threads are
proposed as prizes for those persons whom the emperor has a mind to
distinguish by a peculiar mark of his favour.  The ceremony is performed
in his majesty's great chamber of state, where the candidates are to
undergo a trial of dexterity very different from the former, and such as
I have not observed the least resemblance of in any other country of the
new or old world.  The emperor holds a stick in his hands, both ends
parallel to the horizon, while the candidates advancing, one by one,
sometimes leap over the stick, sometimes creep under it, backward and
forward, several times, according as the stick is advanced or depressed.
Sometimes the emperor holds one end of the stick, and his first minister
the other; sometimes the minister has it entirely to himself.  Whoever
performs his part with most agility, and holds out the longest in leaping
and creeping, is rewarded with the blue-coloured silk; the red is given
to the next, and the green to the third, which they all wear girt twice
round about the middle; and you see few great persons about this court
who are not adorned with one of these girdles.

The horses of the army, and those of the royal stables, having been daily
led before me, were no longer shy, but would come up to my very feet
without starting.  The riders would leap them over my hand, as I held it
on the ground; and one of the emperor's huntsmen, upon a large courser,
took my foot, shoe and all; which was indeed a prodigious leap.  I had
the good fortune to divert the emperor one day after a very extraordinary
manner.  I desired he would order several sticks of two feet high, and
the thickness of an ordinary cane, to be brought me; whereupon his
majesty commanded the master of his woods to give directions accordingly;
and the next morning six woodmen arrived with as many carriages, drawn by
eight horses to each.  I took nine of these sticks, and fixing them
firmly in the ground in a quadrangular figure, two feet and a half
square, I took four other sticks, and tied them parallel at each corner,
about two feet from the ground; then I fastened my handkerchief to the
nine sticks that stood erect; and extended it on all sides, till it was
tight as the top of a drum; and the four parallel sticks, rising about
five inches higher than the handkerchief, served as ledges on each side.
When I had finished my work, I desired the emperor to let a troop of his
best horses twenty-four in number, come and exercise upon this plain.
His majesty approved of the proposal, and I took them up, one by one, in
my hands, ready mounted and armed, with the proper officers to exercise
them.  As soon as they got into order they divided into two parties,
performed mock skirmishes, discharged blunt arrows, drew their swords,
fled and pursued, attacked and retired, and in short discovered the best
military discipline I ever beheld.  The parallel sticks secured them and
their horses from falling over the stage; and the emperor was so much
delighted, that he ordered this entertainment to be repeated several
days, and once was pleased to be lifted up and give the word of command;
and with great difficulty persuaded even the empress herself to let me
hold her in her close chair within two yards of the stage, when she was
able to take a full view of the whole performance.  It was my good
fortune, that no ill accident happened in these entertainments; only once
a fiery horse, that belonged to one of the captains, pawing with his
hoof, struck a hole in my handkerchief, and his foot slipping, he
overthrew his rider and himself; but I immediately relieved them both,
and covering the hole with one hand, I set down the troop with the other,
in the same manner as I took them up. The horse that fell was strained in
the left shoulder, but the rider got no hurt; and I repaired my
handkerchief as well as I could: however, I would not trust to the
strength of it any more, in such dangerous enterprises.

About two or three days before I was set at liberty, as I was
entertaining the court with this kind of feat, there arrived an express
to inform his majesty, that some of his subjects, riding near the place
where I was first taken up, had seen a great black substance lying on the
around, very oddly shaped, extending its edges round, as wide as his
majesty's bedchamber, and rising up in the middle as high as a man; that
it was no living creature, as they at first apprehended, for it lay on
the grass without motion; and some of them had walked round it several
times; that, by mounting upon each other's shoulders, they had got to the
top, which was flat and even, and, stamping upon it, they found that it
was hollow within; that they humbly conceived it might be something
belonging to the man-mountain; and if his majesty pleased, they would
undertake to bring it with only five horses.  I presently knew what they
meant, and was glad at heart to receive this intelligence.  It seems,
upon my first reaching the shore after our shipwreck, I was in such
confusion, that before I came to the place where I went to sleep, my hat,
which I had fastened with a string to my head while I was rowing, and had
stuck on all the time I was swimming, fell off after I came to land; the
string, as I conjecture, breaking by some accident, which I never
observed, but thought my hat had been lost at sea.  I entreated his
imperial majesty to give orders it might be brought to me as soon as
possible, describing to him the use and the nature of it: and the next
day the waggoners arrived with it, but not in a very good condition; they
had bored two holes in the brim, within an inch and half of the edge, and
fastened two hooks in the holes; these hooks were tied by a long cord to
the harness, and thus my hat was dragged along for above half an English
mile; but, the ground in that country being extremely smooth and level,
it received less damage than I expected.

Two days after this adventure, the emperor, having ordered that part of
his army which quarters in and about his metropolis, to be in readiness,
took a fancy of diverting himself in a very singular manner.  He desired
I would stand like a Colossus, with my legs as far asunder as I
conveniently could.  He then commanded his general (who was an old
experienced leader, and a great patron of mine) to draw up the troops in
close order, and march them under me; the foot by twenty-four abreast,
and the horse by sixteen, with drums beating, colours flying, and pikes
advanced.  This body consisted of three thousand foot, and a thousand
horse.  His majesty gave orders, upon pain of death, that every soldier
in his march should observe the strictest decency with regard to my
person; which however could not prevent some of the younger officers from
turning up their eyes as they passed under me: and, to confess the truth,
my breeches were at that time in so ill a condition, that they afforded
some opportunities for laughter and admiration.

I had sent so many memorials and petitions for my liberty, that his
majesty at length mentioned the matter, first in the cabinet, and then in
a full council; where it was opposed by none, except Skyresh Bolgolam,
who was pleased, without any provocation, to be my mortal enemy.  But it
was carried against him by the whole board, and confirmed by the emperor.
That minister was _galbet_, or admiral of the realm, very much in his
master's confidence, and a person well versed in affairs, but of a morose
and sour complexion.  However, he was at length persuaded to comply; but
prevailed that the articles and conditions upon which I should be set
free, and to which I must swear, should be drawn up by himself.  These
articles were brought to me by Skyresh Bolgolam in person attended by two
under-secretaries, and several persons of distinction.  After they were
read, I was demanded to swear to the performance of them; first in the
manner of my own country, and afterwards in the method prescribed by
their laws; which was, to hold my right foot in my left hand, and to
place the middle finger of my right hand on the crown of my head, and my
thumb on the tip of my right ear.  But because the reader may be curious
to have some idea of the style and manner of expression peculiar to that
people, as well as to know the article upon which I recovered my liberty,
I have made a translation of the whole instrument, word for word, as near
as I was able, which I here offer to the public.

"Golbasto Momarem Evlame Gurdilo Shefin Mully Ully Gue, most mighty
Emperor of Lilliput, delight and terror of the universe, whose dominions
extend five thousand _blustrugs_ (about twelve miles in circumference) to
the extremities of the globe; monarch of all monarchs, taller than the
sons of men; whose feet press down to the centre, and whose head strikes
against the sun; at whose nod the princes of the earth shake their knees;
pleasant as the spring, comfortable as the summer, fruitful as autumn,
dreadful as winter: his most sublime majesty proposes to the
man-mountain, lately arrived at our celestial dominions, the following
articles, which, by a solemn oath, he shall be obliged to perform:--

"1st, The man-mountain shall not depart from our dominions, without our
license under our great seal.

"2d, He shall not presume to come into our metropolis, without our
express order; at which time, the inhabitants shall have two hours
warning to keep within doors.

"3d, The said man-mountain shall confine his walks to our principal high
roads, and not offer to walk, or lie down, in a meadow or field of corn.

"4th, As he walks the said roads, he shall take the utmost care not to
trample upon the bodies of any of our loving subjects, their horses, or
carriages, nor take any of our subjects into his hands without their own
consent.

"5th, If an express requires extraordinary despatch, the man-mountain
shall be obliged to carry, in his pocket, the messenger and horse a six
days journey, once in every moon, and return the said messenger back (if
so required) safe to our imperial presence.

"6th, He shall be our ally against our enemies in the island of Blefuscu,
and do his utmost to destroy their fleet, which is now preparing to
invade us.

"7th, That the said man-mountain shall, at his times of leisure, be
aiding and assisting to our workmen, in helping to raise certain great
stones, towards covering the wall of the principal park, and other our
royal buildings.

"8th, That the said man-mountain shall, in two moons' time, deliver in an
exact survey of the circumference of our dominions, by a computation of
his own paces round the coast.

"Lastly, That, upon his solemn oath to observe all the above articles,
the said man-mountain shall have a daily allowance of meat and drink
sufficient for the support of 1724 of our subjects, with free access to
our royal person, and other marks of our favour.  Given at our palace at
Belfaborac, the twelfth day of the ninety-first moon of our reign."

I swore and subscribed to these articles with great cheerfulness and
content, although some of them were not so honourable as I could have
wished; which proceeded wholly from the malice of Skyresh Bolgolam, the
high-admiral: whereupon my chains were immediately unlocked, and I was at
full liberty.  The emperor himself, in person, did me the honour to be by
at the whole ceremony.  I made my acknowledgements by prostrating myself
at his majesty's feet: but he commanded me to rise; and after many
gracious expressions, which, to avoid the censure of vanity, I shall not
repeat, he added, "that he hoped I should prove a useful servant, and
well deserve all the favours he had already conferred upon me, or might
do for the future."

The reader may please to observe, that, in the last article of the
recovery of my liberty, the emperor stipulates to allow me a quantity of
meat and drink sufficient for the support of 1724 Lilliputians.  Some
time after, asking a friend at court how they came to fix on that
determinate number, he told me that his majesty's mathematicians, having
taken the height of my body by the help of a quadrant, and finding it to
exceed theirs in the proportion of twelve to one, they concluded from the
similarity of their bodies, that mine must contain at least 1724 of
theirs, and consequently would require as much food as was necessary to
support that number of Lilliputians.  By which the reader may conceive an
idea of the ingenuity of that people, as well as the prudent and exact
economy of so great a prince.



CHAPTER IV.


Mildendo, the metropolis of Lilliput, described, together with the
emperor's palace.  A conversation between the author and a principal
secretary, concerning the affairs of that empire.  The author's offers to
serve the emperor in his wars.

The first request I made, after I had obtained my liberty, was, that I
might have license to see Mildendo, the metropolis; which the emperor
easily granted me, but with a special charge to do no hurt either to the
inhabitants or their houses.  The people had notice, by proclamation, of
my design to visit the town.  The wall which encompassed it is two feet
and a half high, and at least eleven inches broad, so that a coach and
horses may be driven very safely round it; and it is flanked with strong
towers at ten feet distance.  I stepped over the great western gate, and
passed very gently, and sidling, through the two principal streets, only
in my short waistcoat, for fear of damaging the roofs and eaves of the
houses with the skirts of my coat.  I walked with the utmost
circumspection, to avoid treading on any stragglers who might remain in
the streets, although the orders were very strict, that all people should
keep in their houses, at their own peril.  The garret windows and tops of
houses were so crowded with spectators, that I thought in all my travels
I had not seen a more populous place.  The city is an exact square, each
side of the wall being five hundred feet long.  The two great streets,
which run across and divide it into four quarters, are five feet wide.
The lanes and alleys, which I could not enter, but only view them as I
passed, are from twelve to eighteen inches.  The town is capable of
holding five hundred thousand souls: the houses are from three to five
stories: the shops and markets well provided.

The emperor's palace is in the centre of the city where the two great
streets meet.  It is enclosed by a wall of two feet high, and twenty feet
distance from the buildings.  I had his majesty's permission to step over
this wall; and, the space being so wide between that and the palace, I
could easily view it on every side.  The outward court is a square of
forty feet, and includes two other courts: in the inmost are the royal
apartments, which I was very desirous to see, but found it extremely
difficult; for the great gates, from one square into another, were but
eighteen inches high, and seven inches wide.  Now the buildings of the
outer court were at least five feet high, and it was impossible for me to
stride over them without infinite damage to the pile, though the walls
were strongly built of hewn stone, and four inches thick.  At the same
time the emperor had a great desire that I should see the magnificence of
his palace; but this I was not able to do till three days after, which I
spent in cutting down with my knife some of the largest trees in the
royal park, about a hundred yards distant from the city.  Of these trees
I made two stools, each about three feet high, and strong enough to bear
my weight.  The people having received notice a second time, I went again
through the city to the palace with my two stools in my hands.  When I
came to the side of the outer court, I stood upon one stool, and took the
other in my hand; this I lifted over the roof, and gently set it down on
the space between the first and second court, which was eight feet wide.
I then stept over the building very conveniently from one stool to the
other, and drew up the first after me with a hooked stick.  By this
contrivance I got into the inmost court; and, lying down upon my side, I
applied my face to the windows of the middle stories, which were left
open on purpose, and discovered the most splendid apartments that can be
imagined.  There I saw the empress and the young princes, in their
several lodgings, with their chief attendants about them.  Her imperial
majesty was pleased to smile very graciously upon me, and gave me out of
the window her hand to kiss.

But I shall not anticipate the reader with further descriptions of this
kind, because I reserve them for a greater work, which is now almost
ready for the press; containing a general description of this empire,
from its first erection, through along series of princes; with a
particular account of their wars and politics, laws, learning, and
religion; their plants and animals; their peculiar manners and customs,
with other matters very curious and useful; my chief design at present
being only to relate such events and transactions as happened to the
public or to myself during a residence of about nine months in that
empire.

One morning, about a fortnight after I had obtained my liberty,
Reldresal, principal secretary (as they style him) for private affairs,
came to my house attended only by one servant.  He ordered his coach to
wait at a distance, and desired I would give him an hours audience; which
I readily consented to, on account of his quality and personal merits, as
well as of the many good offices he had done me during my solicitations
at court.  I offered to lie down that he might the more conveniently
reach my ear, but he chose rather to let me hold him in my hand during
our conversation.  He began with compliments on my liberty; said "he
might pretend to some merit in it;" but, however, added, "that if it had
not been for the present situation of things at court, perhaps I might
not have obtained it so soon.  For," said he, "as flourishing a condition
as we may appear to be in to foreigners, we labour under two mighty
evils: a violent faction at home, and the danger of an invasion, by a
most potent enemy, from abroad.  As to the first, you are to understand,
that for about seventy moons past there have been two struggling parties
in this empire, under the names of _Tramecksan_ and _Slamecksan_, from
the high and low heels of their shoes, by which they distinguish
themselves.  It is alleged, indeed, that the high heels are most
agreeable to our ancient constitution; but, however this be, his majesty
has determined to make use only of low heels in the administration of the
government, and all offices in the gift of the crown, as you cannot but
observe; and particularly that his majesty's imperial heels are lower at
least by a _drurr_ than any of his court (_drurr_ is a measure about the
fourteenth part of an inch).  The animosities between these two parties
run so high, that they will neither eat, nor drink, nor talk with each
other.  We compute the _Tramecksan_, or high heels, to exceed us in
number; but the power is wholly on our side.  We apprehend his imperial
highness, the heir to the crown, to have some tendency towards the high
heels; at least we can plainly discover that one of his heels is higher
than the other, which gives him a hobble in his gait.  Now, in the midst
of these intestine disquiets, we are threatened with an invasion from the
island of Blefuscu, which is the other great empire of the universe,
almost as large and powerful as this of his majesty.  For as to what we
have heard you affirm, that there are other kingdoms and states in the
world inhabited by human creatures as large as yourself, our philosophers
are in much doubt, and would rather conjecture that you dropped from the
moon, or one of the stars; because it is certain, that a hundred mortals
of your bulk would in a short time destroy all the fruits and cattle of
his majesty's dominions: besides, our histories of six thousand moons
make no mention of any other regions than the two great empires of
Lilliput and Blefuscu.  Which two mighty powers have, as I was going to
tell you, been engaged in a most obstinate war for six-and-thirty moons
past.  It began upon the following occasion.  It is allowed on all hands,
that the primitive way of breaking eggs, before we eat them, was upon the
larger end; but his present majesty's grandfather, while he was a boy,
going to eat an egg, and breaking it according to the ancient practice,
happened to cut one of his fingers.  Whereupon the emperor his father
published an edict, commanding all his subjects, upon great penalties, to
break the smaller end of their eggs.  The people so highly resented this
law, that our histories tell us, there have been six rebellions raised on
that account; wherein one emperor lost his life, and another his crown.
These civil commotions were constantly fomented by the monarchs of
Blefuscu; and when they were quelled, the exiles always fled for refuge
to that empire.  It is computed that eleven thousand persons have at
several times suffered death, rather than submit to break their eggs at
the smaller end.  Many hundred large volumes have been published upon
this controversy: but the books of the Big-endians have been long
forbidden, and the whole party rendered incapable by law of holding
employments.  During the course of these troubles, the emperors of
Blefusca did frequently expostulate by their ambassadors, accusing us of
making a schism in religion, by offending against a fundamental doctrine
of our great prophet Lustrog, in the fifty-fourth chapter of the
Blundecral (which is their Alcoran).  This, however, is thought to be a
mere strain upon the text; for the words are these: 'that all true
believers break their eggs at the convenient end.'  And which is the
convenient end, seems, in my humble opinion to be left to every man's
conscience, or at least in the power of the chief magistrate to
determine.  Now, the Big-endian exiles have found so much credit in the
emperor of Blefuscu's court, and so much private assistance and
encouragement from their party here at home, that a bloody war has been
carried on between the two empires for six-and-thirty moons, with various
success; during which time we have lost forty capital ships, and a much a
greater number of smaller vessels, together with thirty thousand of our
best seamen and soldiers; and the damage received by the enemy is
reckoned to be somewhat greater than ours.  However, they have now
equipped a numerous fleet, and are just preparing to make a descent upon
us; and his imperial majesty, placing great confidence in your valour and
strength, has commanded me to lay this account of his affairs before
you."

I desired the secretary to present my humble duty to the emperor; and to
let him know, "that I thought it would not become me, who was a
foreigner, to interfere with parties; but I was ready, with the hazard of
my life, to defend his person and state against all invaders."



CHAPTER V.


The author, by an extraordinary stratagem, prevents an invasion.  A high
title of honour is conferred upon him.  Ambassadors arrive from the
emperor of Blefuscu, and sue for peace.  The empress's apartment on fire
by an accident; the author instrumental in saving the rest of the palace.

The empire of Blefuscu is an island situated to the north-east of
Lilliput, from which it is parted only by a channel of eight hundred
yards wide.  I had not yet seen it, and upon this notice of an intended
invasion, I avoided appearing on that side of the coast, for fear of
being discovered, by some of the enemy's ships, who had received no
intelligence of me; all intercourse between the two empires having been
strictly forbidden during the war, upon pain of death, and an embargo
laid by our emperor upon all vessels whatsoever.  I communicated to his
majesty a project I had formed of seizing the enemy's whole fleet; which,
as our scouts assured us, lay at anchor in the harbour, ready to sail
with the first fair wind.  I consulted the most experienced seamen upon
the depth of the channel, which they had often plumbed; who told me, that
in the middle, at high-water, it was seventy _glumgluffs_ deep, which is
about six feet of European measure; and the rest of it fifty _glumgluffs_
at most.  I walked towards the north-east coast, over against Blefuscu,
where, lying down behind a hillock, I took out my small perspective
glass, and viewed the enemy's fleet at anchor, consisting of about fifty
men of war, and a great number of transports: I then came back to my
house, and gave orders (for which I had a warrant) for a great quantity
of the strongest cable and bars of iron.  The cable was about as thick as
packthread and the bars of the length and size of a knitting-needle.  I
trebled the cable to make it stronger, and for the same reason I twisted
three of the iron bars together, bending the extremities into a hook.
Having thus fixed fifty hooks to as many cables, I went back to the
north-east coast, and putting off my coat, shoes, and stockings, walked
into the sea, in my leathern jerkin, about half an hour before high
water.  I waded with what haste I could, and swam in the middle about
thirty yards, till I felt ground.  I arrived at the fleet in less than
half an hour.  The enemy was so frightened when they saw me, that they
leaped out of their ships, and swam to shore, where there could not be
fewer than thirty thousand souls.  I then took my tackling, and,
fastening a hook to the hole at the prow of each, I tied all the cords
together at the end.  While I was thus employed, the enemy discharged
several thousand arrows, many of which stuck in my hands and face, and,
beside the excessive smart, gave me much disturbance in my work.  My
greatest apprehension was for mine eyes, which I should have infallibly
lost, if I had not suddenly thought of an expedient.  I kept, among other
little necessaries, a pair of spectacles in a private pocket, which, as I
observed before, had escaped the emperor's searchers.  These I took out
and fastened as strongly as I could upon my nose, and thus armed, went on
boldly with my work, in spite of the enemy's arrows, many of which struck
against the glasses of my spectacles, but without any other effect,
further than a little to discompose them.  I had now fastened all the
hooks, and, taking the knot in my hand, began to pull; but not a ship
would stir, for they were all too fast held by their anchors, so that the
boldest part of my enterprise remained.  I therefore let go the cord, and
leaving the looks fixed to the ships, I resolutely cut with my knife the
cables that fastened the anchors, receiving about two hundred shots in my
face and hands; then I took up the knotted end of the cables, to which my
hooks were tied, and with great ease drew fifty of the enemy's largest
men of war after me.

The Blefuscudians, who had not the least imagination of what I intended,
were at first confounded with astonishment.  They had seen me cut the
cables, and thought my design was only to let the ships run adrift or
fall foul on each other: but when they perceived the whole fleet moving
in order, and saw me pulling at the end, they set up such a scream of
grief and despair as it is almost impossible to describe or conceive.
When I had got out of danger, I stopped awhile to pick out the arrows
that stuck in my hands and face; and rubbed on some of the same ointment
that was given me at my first arrival, as I have formerly mentioned.  I
then took off my spectacles, and waiting about an hour, till the tide was
a little fallen, I waded through the middle with my cargo, and arrived
safe at the royal port of Lilliput.

The emperor and his whole court stood on the shore, expecting the issue
of this great adventure.  They saw the ships move forward in a large
half-moon, but could not discern me, who was up to my breast in water.
When I advanced to the middle of the channel, they were yet more in pain,
because I was under water to my neck.  The emperor concluded me to be
drowned, and that the enemy's fleet was approaching in a hostile manner:
but he was soon eased of his fears; for the channel growing shallower
every step I made, I came in a short time within hearing, and holding up
the end of the cable, by which the fleet was fastened, I cried in a loud
voice, "Long live the most puissant king of Lilliput!"  This great prince
received me at my landing with all possible encomiums, and created me a
_nardac_ upon the spot, which is the highest title of honour among them.

His majesty desired I would take some other opportunity of bringing all
the rest of his enemy's ships into his ports.  And so unmeasureable is
the ambition of princes, that he seemed to think of nothing less than
reducing the whole empire of Blefuscu into a province, and governing it,
by a viceroy; of destroying the Big-endian exiles, and compelling that
people to break the smaller end of their eggs, by which he would remain
the sole monarch of the whole world.  But I endeavoured to divert him
from this design, by many arguments drawn from the topics of policy as
well as justice; and I plainly protested, "that I would never be an
instrument of bringing a free and brave people into slavery."  And, when
the matter was debated in council, the wisest part of the ministry were
of my opinion.

This open bold declaration of mine was so opposite to the schemes and
politics of his imperial majesty, that he could never forgive me.  He
mentioned it in a very artful manner at council, where I was told that
some of the wisest appeared, at least by their silence, to be of my
opinion; but others, who were my secret enemies, could not forbear some
expressions which, by a side-wind, reflected on me.  And from this time
began an intrigue between his majesty and a junto of ministers,
maliciously bent against me, which broke out in less than two months, and
had like to have ended in my utter destruction.  Of so little weight are
the greatest services to princes, when put into the balance with a
refusal to gratify their passions.

About three weeks after this exploit, there arrived a solemn embassy from
Blefuscu, with humble offers of a peace, which was soon concluded, upon
conditions very advantageous to our emperor, wherewith I shall not
trouble the reader.  There were six ambassadors, with a train of about
five hundred persons, and their entry was very magnificent, suitable to
the grandeur of their master, and the importance of their business.  When
their treaty was finished, wherein I did them several good offices by the
credit I now had, or at least appeared to have, at court, their
excellencies, who were privately told how much I had been their friend,
made me a visit in form.  They began with many compliments upon my valour
and generosity, invited me to that kingdom in the emperor their master's
name, and desired me to show them some proofs of my prodigious strength,
of which they had heard so many wonders; wherein I readily obliged them,
but shall not trouble the reader with the particulars.

When I had for some time entertained their excellencies, to their
infinite satisfaction and surprise, I desired they would do me the honour
to present my most humble respects to the emperor their master, the
renown of whose virtues had so justly filled the whole world with
admiration, and whose royal person I resolved to attend, before I
returned to my own country.  Accordingly, the next time I had the honour
to see our emperor, I desired his general license to wait on the
Blefuscudian monarch, which he was pleased to grant me, as I could
perceive, in a very cold manner; but could not guess the reason, till I
had a whisper from a certain person, "that Flimnap and Bolgolam had
represented my intercourse with those ambassadors as a mark of
disaffection;" from which I am sure my heart was wholly free.  And this
was the first time I began to conceive some imperfect idea of courts and
ministers.

It is to be observed, that these ambassadors spoke to me, by an
interpreter, the languages of both empires differing as much from each
other as any two in Europe, and each nation priding itself upon the
antiquity, beauty, and energy of their own tongue, with an avowed
contempt for that of their neighbour; yet our emperor, standing upon the
advantage he had got by the seizure of their fleet, obliged them to
deliver their credentials, and make their speech, in the Lilliputian
tongue.  And it must be confessed, that from the great intercourse of
trade and commerce between both realms, from the continual reception of
exiles which is mutual among them, and from the custom, in each empire,
to send their young nobility and richer gentry to the other, in order to
polish themselves by seeing the world, and understanding men and manners;
there are few persons of distinction, or merchants, or seamen, who dwell
in the maritime parts, but what can hold conversation in both tongues; as
I found some weeks after, when I went to pay my respects to the emperor
of Blefuscu, which, in the midst of great misfortunes, through the malice
of my enemies, proved a very happy adventure to me, as I shall relate in
its proper place.

The reader may remember, that when I signed those articles upon which I
recovered my liberty, there were some which I disliked, upon account of
their being too servile; neither could anything but an extreme necessity
have forced me to submit.  But being now a _nardac_ of the highest rank
in that empire, such offices were looked upon as below my dignity, and
the emperor (to do him justice), never once mentioned them to me.
However, it was not long before I had an opportunity of doing his
majesty, at least as I then thought, a most signal service.  I was
alarmed at midnight with the cries of many hundred people at my door; by
which, being suddenly awaked, I was in some kind of terror.  I heard the
word _Burglum_ repeated incessantly: several of the emperor's court,
making their way through the crowd, entreated me to come immediately to
the palace, where her imperial majesty's apartment was on fire, by the
carelessness of a maid of honour, who fell asleep while she was reading a
romance.  I got up in an instant; and orders being given to clear the way
before me, and it being likewise a moonshine night, I made a shift to get
to the palace without trampling on any of the people.  I found they had
already applied ladders to the walls of the apartment, and were well
provided with buckets, but the water was at some distance.  These buckets
were about the size of large thimbles, and the poor people supplied me
with them as fast as they could: but the flame was so violent that they
did little good.  I might easily have stifled it with my coat, which I
unfortunately left behind me for haste, and came away only in my leathern
jerkin.  The case seemed wholly desperate and deplorable; and this
magnificent palace would have infallibly been burnt down to the ground,
if, by a presence of mind unusual to me, I had not suddenly thought of an
expedient.  I had, the evening before, drunk plentifully of a most
delicious wine called _glimigrim_, (the Blefuscudians call it _flunec_,
but ours is esteemed the better sort,) which is very diuretic.  By the
luckiest chance in the world, I had not discharged myself of any part of
it.  The heat I had contracted by coming very near the flames, and by
labouring to quench them, made the wine begin to operate by urine; which
I voided in such a quantity, and applied so well to the proper places,
that in three minutes the fire was wholly extinguished, and the rest of
that noble pile, which had cost so many ages in erecting, preserved from
destruction.

It was now day-light, and I returned to my house without waiting to
congratulate with the emperor: because, although I had done a very
eminent piece of service, yet I could not tell how his majesty might
resent the manner by which I had performed it: for, by the fundamental
laws of the realm, it is capital in any person, of what quality soever,
to make water within the precincts of the palace.  But I was a little
comforted by a message from his majesty, "that he would give orders to
the grand justiciary for passing my pardon in form:" which, however, I
could not obtain; and I was privately assured, "that the empress,
conceiving the greatest abhorrence of what I had done, removed to the
most distant side of the court, firmly resolved that those buildings
should never be repaired for her use: and, in the presence of her chief
confidents could not forbear vowing revenge."



CHAPTER VI.


Of the inhabitants of Lilliput; their learning, laws, and customs; the
manner of educating their children.  The author's way of living in that
country.  His vindication of a great lady.

Although I intend to leave the description of this empire to a particular
treatise, yet, in the mean time, I am content to gratify the curious
reader with some general ideas.  As the common size of the natives is
somewhat under six inches high, so there is an exact proportion in all
other animals, as well as plants and trees: for instance, the tallest
horses and oxen are between four and five inches in height, the sheep an
inch and half, more or less: their geese about the bigness of a sparrow,
and so the several gradations downwards till you come to the smallest,
which to my sight, were almost invisible; but nature has adapted the eyes
of the Lilliputians to all objects proper for their view: they see with
great exactness, but at no great distance.  And, to show the sharpness of
their sight towards objects that are near, I have been much pleased with
observing a cook pulling a lark, which was not so large as a common fly;
and a young girl threading an invisible needle with invisible silk.
Their tallest trees are about seven feet high: I mean some of those in
the great royal park, the tops whereof I could but just reach with my
fist clenched.  The other vegetables are in the same proportion; but this
I leave to the reader's imagination.

I shall say but little at present of their learning, which, for many
ages, has flourished in all its branches among them: but their manner of
writing is very peculiar, being neither from the left to the right, like
the Europeans, nor from the right to the left, like the Arabians, nor
from up to down, like the Chinese, but aslant, from one corner of the
paper to the other, like ladies in England.

They bury their dead with their heads directly downward, because they
hold an opinion, that in eleven thousand moons they are all to rise
again; in which period the earth (which they conceive to be flat) will
turn upside down, and by this means they shall, at their resurrection, be
found ready standing on their feet.  The learned among them confess the
absurdity of this doctrine; but the practice still continues, in
compliance to the vulgar.

There are some laws and customs in this empire very peculiar; and if they
were not so directly contrary to those of my own dear country, I should
be tempted to say a little in their justification.  It is only to be
wished they were as well executed.  The first I shall mention, relates to
informers.  All crimes against the state, are punished here with the
utmost severity; but, if the person accused makes his innocence plainly
to appear upon his trial, the accuser is immediately put to an
ignominious death; and out of his goods or lands the innocent person is
quadruply recompensed for the loss of his time, for the danger he
underwent, for the hardship of his imprisonment, and for all the charges
he has been at in making his defence; or, if that fund be deficient, it
is largely supplied by the crown.  The emperor also confers on him some
public mark of his favour, and proclamation is made of his innocence
through the whole city.

They look upon fraud as a greater crime than theft, and therefore seldom
fail to punish it with death; for they allege, that care and vigilance,
with a very common understanding, may preserve a man's goods from
thieves, but honesty has no defence against superior cunning; and, since
it is necessary that there should be a perpetual intercourse of buying
and selling, and dealing upon credit, where fraud is permitted and
connived at, or has no law to punish it, the honest dealer is always
undone, and the knave gets the advantage.  I remember, when I was once
interceding with the emperor for a criminal who had wronged his master of
a great sum of money, which he had received by order and ran away with;
and happening to tell his majesty, by way of extenuation, that it was
only a breach of trust, the emperor thought it monstrous in me to offer
as a defence the greatest aggravation of the crime; and truly I had
little to say in return, farther than the common answer, that different
nations had different customs; for, I confess, I was heartily ashamed.
{330}

Although we usually call reward and punishment the two hinges upon which
all government turns, yet I could never observe this maxim to be put in
practice by any nation except that of Lilliput.  Whoever can there bring
sufficient proof, that he has strictly observed the laws of his country
for seventy-three moons, has a claim to certain privileges, according to
his quality or condition of life, with a proportionable sum of money out
of a fund appropriated for that use: he likewise acquires the title of
_snilpall_, or legal, which is added to his name, but does not descend to
his posterity.  And these people thought it a prodigious defect of policy
among us, when I told them that our laws were enforced only by penalties,
without any mention of reward.  It is upon this account that the image of
Justice, in their courts of judicature, is formed with six eyes, two
before, as many behind, and on each side one, to signify circumspection;
with a bag of gold open in her right hand, and a sword sheathed in her
left, to show she is more disposed to reward than to punish.

In choosing persons for all employments, they have more regard to good
morals than to great abilities; for, since government is necessary to
mankind, they believe, that the common size of human understanding is
fitted to some station or other; and that Providence never intended to
make the management of public affairs a mystery to be comprehended only
by a few persons of sublime genius, of which there seldom are three born
in an age: but they suppose truth, justice, temperance, and the like, to
be in every man's power; the practice of which virtues, assisted by
experience and a good intention, would qualify any man for the service of
his country, except where a course of study is required.  But they
thought the want of moral virtues was so far from being supplied by
superior endowments of the mind, that employments could never be put into
such dangerous hands as those of persons so qualified; and, at least,
that the mistakes committed by ignorance, in a virtuous disposition,
would never be of such fatal consequence to the public weal, as the
practices of a man, whose inclinations led him to be corrupt, and who had
great abilities to manage, to multiply, and defend his corruptions.

In like manner, the disbelief of a Divine Providence renders a man
incapable of holding any public station; for, since kings avow themselves
to be the deputies of Providence, the Lilliputians think nothing can be
more absurd than for a prince to employ such men as disown the authority
under which he acts.

In relating these and the following laws, I would only be understood to
mean the original institutions, and not the most scandalous corruptions,
into which these people are fallen by the degenerate nature of man.  For,
as to that infamous practice of acquiring great employments by dancing on
the ropes, or badges of favour and distinction by leaping over sticks and
creeping under them, the reader is to observe, that they were first
introduced by the grandfather of the emperor now reigning, and grew to
the present height by the gradual increase of party and faction.

Ingratitude is among them a capital crime, as we read it to have been in
some other countries: for they reason thus; that whoever makes ill
returns to his benefactor, must needs be a common enemy to the rest of
mankind, from whom he has received no obligation, and therefore such a
man is not fit to live.

Their notions relating to the duties of parents and children differ
extremely from ours.  For, since the conjunction of male and female is
founded upon the great law of nature, in order to propagate and continue
the species, the Lilliputians will needs have it, that men and women are
joined together, like other animals, by the motives of concupiscence; and
that their tenderness towards their young proceeds from the like natural
principle: for which reason they will never allow that a child is under
any obligation to his father for begetting him, or to his mother for
bringing him into the world; which, considering the miseries of human
life, was neither a benefit in itself, nor intended so by his parents,
whose thoughts, in their love encounters, were otherwise employed.  Upon
these, and the like reasonings, their opinion is, that parents are the
last of all others to be trusted with the education of their own
children; and therefore they have in every town public nurseries, where
all parents, except cottagers and labourers, are obliged to send their
infants of both sexes to be reared and educated, when they come to the
age of twenty moons, at which time they are supposed to have some
rudiments of docility.  These schools are of several kinds, suited to
different qualities, and both sexes.  They have certain professors well
skilled in preparing children for such a condition of life as befits the
rank of their parents, and their own capacities, as well as inclinations.
I shall first say something of the male nurseries, and then of the
female.

The nurseries for males of noble or eminent birth, are provided with
grave and learned professors, and their several deputies.  The clothes
and food of the children are plain and simple.  They are bred up in the
principles of honour, justice, courage, modesty, clemency, religion, and
love of their country; they are always employed in some business, except
in the times of eating and sleeping, which are very short, and two hours
for diversions consisting of bodily exercises.  They are dressed by men
till four years of age, and then are obliged to dress themselves,
although their quality be ever so great; and the women attendant, who are
aged proportionably to ours at fifty, perform only the most menial
offices.  They are never suffered to converse with servants, but go
together in smaller or greater numbers to take their diversions, and
always in the presence of a professor, or one of his deputies; whereby
they avoid those early bad impressions of folly and vice, to which our
children are subject.  Their parents are suffered to see them only twice
a year; the visit is to last but an hour; they are allowed to kiss the
child at meeting and parting; but a professor, who always stands by on
those occasions, will not suffer them to whisper, or use any fondling
expressions, or bring any presents of toys, sweetmeats, and the like.

The pension from each family for the education and entertainment of a
child, upon failure of due payment, is levied by the emperor's officers.

The nurseries for children of ordinary gentlemen, merchants, traders, and
handicrafts, are managed proportionably after the same manner; only those
designed for trades are put out apprentices at eleven years old, whereas
those of persons of quality continue in their exercises till fifteen,
which answers to twenty-one with us: but the confinement is gradually
lessened for the last three years.

In the female nurseries, the young girls of quality are educated much
like the males, only they are dressed by orderly servants of their own
sex; but always in the presence of a professor or deputy, till they come
to dress themselves, which is at five years old.  And if it be found that
these nurses ever presume to entertain the girls with frightful or
foolish stories, or the common follies practised by chambermaids among
us, they are publicly whipped thrice about the city, imprisoned for a
year, and banished for life to the most desolate part of the country.
Thus the young ladies are as much ashamed of being cowards and fools as
the men, and despise all personal ornaments, beyond decency and
cleanliness: neither did I perceive any difference in their education
made by their difference of sex, only that the exercises of the females
were not altogether so robust; and that some rules were given them
relating to domestic life, and a smaller compass of learning was enjoined
them: for their maxim is, that among peoples of quality, a wife should be
always a reasonable and agreeable companion, because she cannot always be
young.  When the girls are twelve years old, which among them is the
marriageable age, their parents or guardians take them home, with great
expressions of gratitude to the professors, and seldom without tears of
the young lady and her companions.

In the nurseries of females of the meaner sort, the children are
instructed in all kinds of works proper for their sex, and their several
degrees: those intended for apprentices are dismissed at seven years old,
the rest are kept to eleven.

The meaner families who have children at these nurseries, are obliged,
besides their annual pension, which is as low as possible, to return to
the steward of the nursery a small monthly share of their gettings, to be
a portion for the child; and therefore all parents are limited in their
expenses by the law.  For the Lilliputians think nothing can be more
unjust, than for people, in subservience to their own appetites, to bring
children into the world, and leave the burthen of supporting them on the
public.  As to persons of quality, they give security to appropriate a
certain sum for each child, suitable to their condition; and these funds
are always managed with good husbandry and the most exact justice.

The cottagers and labourers keep their children at home, their business
being only to till and cultivate the earth, and therefore their education
is of little consequence to the public: but the old and diseased among
them, are supported by hospitals; for begging is a trade unknown in this
empire.

And here it may, perhaps, divert the curious reader, to give some account
of my domestics, and my manner of living in this country, during a
residence of nine months, and thirteen days.  Having a head mechanically
turned, and being likewise forced by necessity, I had made for myself a
table and chair convenient enough, out of the largest trees in the royal
park.  Two hundred sempstresses were employed to make me shirts, and
linen for my bed and table, all of the strongest and coarsest kind they
could get; which, however, they were forced to quilt together in several
folds, for the thickest was some degrees finer than lawn.  Their linen is
usually three inches wide, and three feet make a piece.  The sempstresses
took my measure as I lay on the ground, one standing at my neck, and
another at my mid-leg, with a strong cord extended, that each held by the
end, while a third measured the length of the cord with a rule of an inch
long.  Then they measured my right thumb, and desired no more; for by a
mathematical computation, that twice round the thumb is once round the
wrist, and so on to the neck and the waist, and by the help of my old
shirt, which I displayed on the ground before them for a pattern, they
fitted me exactly.  Three hundred tailors were employed in the same
manner to make me clothes; but they had another contrivance for taking my
measure.  I kneeled down, and they raised a ladder from the ground to my
neck; upon this ladder one of them mounted, and let fall a plumb-line
from my collar to the floor, which just answered the length of my coat:
but my waist and arms I measured myself.  When my clothes were finished,
which was done in my house (for the largest of theirs would not have been
able to hold them), they looked like the patch-work made by the ladies in
England, only that mine were all of a colour.

I had three hundred cooks to dress my victuals, in little convenient huts
built about my house, where they and their families lived, and prepared
me two dishes a-piece.  I took up twenty waiters in my hand, and placed
them on the table: a hundred more attended below on the ground, some with
dishes of meat, and some with barrels of wine and other liquors slung on
their shoulders; all which the waiters above drew up, as I wanted, in a
very ingenious manner, by certain cords, as we draw the bucket up a well
in Europe.  A dish of their meat was a good mouthful, and a barrel of
their liquor a reasonable draught.  Their mutton yields to ours, but
their beef is excellent.  I have had a sirloin so large, that I have been
forced to make three bites of it; but this is rare.  My servants were
astonished to see me eat it, bones and all, as in our country we do the
leg of a lark.  Their geese and turkeys I usually ate at a mouthful, and
I confess they far exceed ours.  Of their smaller fowl I could take up
twenty or thirty at the end of my knife.

One day his imperial majesty, being informed of my way of living, desired
"that himself and his royal consort, with the young princes of the blood
of both sexes, might have the happiness," as he was pleased to call it,
"of dining with me."  They came accordingly, and I placed them in chairs
of state, upon my table, just over against me, with their guards about
them.  Flimnap, the lord high treasurer, attended there likewise with his
white staff; and I observed he often looked on me with a sour
countenance, which I would not seem to regard, but ate more than usual,
in honour to my dear country, as well as to fill the court with
admiration.  I have some private reasons to believe, that this visit from
his majesty gave Flimnap an opportunity of doing me ill offices to his
master.  That minister had always been my secret enemy, though he
outwardly caressed me more than was usual to the moroseness of his
nature.  He represented to the emperor "the low condition of his
treasury; that he was forced to take up money at a great discount; that
exchequer bills would not circulate under nine per cent. below par; that
I had cost his majesty above a million and a half of _sprugs_" (their
greatest gold coin, about the bigness of a spangle) "and, upon the whole,
that it would be advisable in the emperor to take the first fair occasion
of dismissing me."

I am here obliged to vindicate the reputation of an excellent lady, who
was an innocent sufferer upon my account.  The treasurer took a fancy to
be jealous of his wife, from the malice of some evil tongues, who
informed him that her grace had taken a violent affection for my person;
and the court scandal ran for some time, that she once came privately to
my lodging.  This I solemnly declare to be a most infamous falsehood,
without any grounds, further than that her grace was pleased to treat me
with all innocent marks of freedom and friendship.  I own she came often
to my house, but always publicly, nor ever without three more in the
coach, who were usually her sister and young daughter, and some
particular acquaintance; but this was common to many other ladies of the
court.  And I still appeal to my servants round, whether they at any time
saw a coach at my door, without knowing what persons were in it.  On
those occasions, when a servant had given me notice, my custom was to go
immediately to the door, and, after paying my respects, to take up the
coach and two horses very carefully in my hands (for, if there were six
horses, the postillion always unharnessed four,) and place them on a
table, where I had fixed a movable rim quite round, of five inches high,
to prevent accidents.  And I have often had four coaches and horses at
once on my table, full of company, while I sat in my chair, leaning my
face towards them; and when I was engaged with one set, the coachmen
would gently drive the others round my table.  I have passed many an
afternoon very agreeably in these conversations.  But I defy the
treasurer, or his two informers (I will name them, and let them make the
best of it) Clustril and Drunlo, to prove that any person ever came to me
_incognito_, except the secretary Reldresal, who was sent by express
command of his imperial majesty, as I have before related.  I should not
have dwelt so long upon this particular, if it had not been a point
wherein the reputation of a great lady is so nearly concerned, to say
nothing of my own; though I then had the honour to be a _nardac_, which
the treasurer himself is not; for all the world knows, that he is only a
_glumglum_, a title inferior by one degree, as that of a marquis is to a
duke in England; yet I allow he preceded me in right of his post.  These
false informations, which I afterwards came to the knowledge of by an
accident not proper to mention, made the treasurer show his lady for some
time an ill countenance, and me a worse; and although he was at last
undeceived and reconciled to her, yet I lost all credit with him, and
found my interest decline very fast with the emperor himself, who was,
indeed, too much governed by that favourite.



CHAPTER VII.


The author, being informed of a design to accuse him of high-treason,
makes his escape to Blefuscu.  His reception there.

Before I proceed to give an account of my leaving this kingdom, it may be
proper to inform the reader of a private intrigue which had been for two
months forming against me.

I had been hitherto, all my life, a stranger to courts, for which I was
unqualified by the meanness of my condition.  I had indeed heard and read
enough of the dispositions of great princes and ministers, but never
expected to have found such terrible effects of them, in so remote a
country, governed, as I thought, by very different maxims from those in
Europe.

When I was just preparing to pay my attendance on the emperor of
Blefuscu, a considerable person at court (to whom I had been very
serviceable, at a time when he lay under the highest displeasure of his
imperial majesty) came to my house very privately at night, in a close
chair, and, without sending his name, desired admittance.  The chairmen
were dismissed; I put the chair, with his lordship in it, into my
coat-pocket: and, giving orders to a trusty servant, to say I was
indisposed and gone to sleep, I fastened the door of my house, placed the
chair on the table, according to my usual custom, and sat down by it.
After the common salutations were over, observing his lordship's
countenance full of concern, and inquiring into the reason, he desired "I
would hear him with patience, in a matter that highly concerned my honour
and my life."  His speech was to the following effect, for I took notes
of it as soon as he left me:--

"You are to know," said he, "that several committees of council have been
lately called, in the most private manner, on your account; and it is but
two days since his majesty came to a full resolution.

"You are very sensible that Skyresh Bolgolam" (_galbet_, or high-admiral)
"has been your mortal enemy, almost ever since your arrival.  His
original reasons I know not; but his hatred is increased since your great
success against Blefuscu, by which his glory as admiral is much obscured.
This lord, in conjunction with Flimnap the high-treasurer, whose enmity
against you is notorious on account of his lady, Limtoc the general,
Lalcon the chamberlain, and Balmuff the grand justiciary, have prepared
articles of impeachment against you, for treason and other capital
crimes."

This preface made me so impatient, being conscious of my own merits and
innocence, that I was going to interrupt him; when he entreated me to be
silent, and thus proceeded:--

"Out of gratitude for the favours you have done me, I procured
information of the whole proceedings, and a copy of the articles; wherein
I venture my head for your service.

    "'_Articles of Impeachment against_ QUINBUS FLESTRIN, (_the
    Man-Mountain_.)

    ARTICLE I.

    "'Whereas, by a statute made in the reign of his imperial majesty
    Calin Deffar Plune, it is enacted, that, whoever shall make water
    within the precincts of the royal palace, shall be liable to the
    pains and penalties of high-treason; notwithstanding, the said
    Quinbus Flestrin, in open breach of the said law, under colour of
    extinguishing the fire kindled in the apartment of his majesty's most
    dear imperial consort, did maliciously, traitorously, and devilishly,
    by discharge of his urine, put out the said fire kindled in the said
    apartment, lying and being within the precincts of the said royal
    palace, against the statute in that case provided, etc. against the
    duty, etc.

    ARTICLE II.

    "'That the said Quinbus Flestrin, having brought the imperial fleet
    of Blefuscu into the royal port, and being afterwards commanded by
    his imperial majesty to seize all the other ships of the said empire
    of Blefuscu, and reduce that empire to a province, to be governed by
    a viceroy from hence, and to destroy and put to death, not only all
    the Big-endian exiles, but likewise all the people of that empire who
    would not immediately forsake the Big-endian heresy, he, the said
    Flestrin, like a false traitor against his most auspicious, serene,
    imperial majesty, did petition to be excused from the said service,
    upon pretence of unwillingness to force the consciences, or destroy
    the liberties and lives of an innocent people.

    ARTICLE III.

    "'That, whereas certain ambassadors arrived from the Court of
    Blefuscu, to sue for peace in his majesty's court, he, the said
    Flestrin, did, like a false traitor, aid, abet, comfort, and divert,
    the said ambassadors, although he knew them to be servants to a
    prince who was lately an open enemy to his imperial majesty, and in
    an open war against his said majesty.

    ARTICLE IV.

    "'That the said Quinbus Flestrin, contrary to the duty of a faithful
    subject, is now preparing to make a voyage to the court and empire of
    Blefuscu, for which he has received only verbal license from his
    imperial majesty; and, under colour of the said license, does falsely
    and traitorously intend to take the said voyage, and thereby to aid,
    comfort, and abet the emperor of Blefuscu, so lately an enemy, and in
    open war with his imperial majesty aforesaid.'

"There are some other articles; but these are the most important, of
which I have read you an abstract.

"In the several debates upon this impeachment, it must be confessed that
his majesty gave many marks of his great lenity; often urging the
services you had done him, and endeavouring to extenuate your crimes.
The treasurer and admiral insisted that you should be put to the most
painful and ignominious death, by setting fire to your house at night,
and the general was to attend with twenty thousand men, armed with
poisoned arrows, to shoot you on the face and hands.  Some of your
servants were to have private orders to strew a poisonous juice on your
shirts and sheets, which would soon make you tear your own flesh, and die
in the utmost torture.  The general came into the same opinion; so that
for a long time there was a majority against you; but his majesty
resolving, if possible, to spare your life, at last brought off the
chamberlain.

"Upon this incident, Reldresal, principal secretary for private affairs,
who always approved himself your true friend, was commanded by the
emperor to deliver his opinion, which he accordingly did; and therein
justified the good thoughts you have of him.  He allowed your crimes to
be great, but that still there was room for mercy, the most commendable
virtue in a prince, and for which his majesty was so justly celebrated.
He said, the friendship between you and him was so well known to the
world, that perhaps the most honourable board might think him partial;
however, in obedience to the command he had received, he would freely
offer his sentiments.  That if his majesty, in consideration of your
services, and pursuant to his own merciful disposition, would please to
spare your life, and only give orders to put out both your eyes, he
humbly conceived, that by this expedient justice might in some measure be
satisfied, and all the world would applaud the lenity of the emperor, as
well as the fair and generous proceedings of those who have the honour to
be his counsellors.  That the loss of your eyes would be no impediment to
your bodily strength, by which you might still be useful to his majesty;
that blindness is an addition to courage, by concealing dangers from us;
that the fear you had for your eyes, was the greatest difficulty in
bringing over the enemy's fleet, and it would be sufficient for you to
see by the eyes of the ministers, since the greatest princes do no more.

"This proposal was received with the utmost disapprobation by the whole
board.  Bolgolam, the admiral, could not preserve his temper, but, rising
up in fury, said, he wondered how the secretary durst presume to give his
opinion for preserving the life of a traitor; that the services you had
performed were, by all true reasons of state, the great aggravation of
your crimes; that you, who were able to extinguish the fire by discharge
of urine in her majesty's apartment (which he mentioned with horror),
might, at another time, raise an inundation by the same means, to drown
the whole palace; and the same strength which enabled you to bring over
the enemy's fleet, might serve, upon the first discontent, to carry it
back; that he had good reasons to think you were a Big-endian in your
heart; and, as treason begins in the heart, before it appears in
overt-acts, so he accused you as a traitor on that account, and therefore
insisted you should be put to death.

"The treasurer was of the same opinion: he showed to what straits his
majesty's revenue was reduced, by the charge of maintaining you, which
would soon grow insupportable; that the secretary's expedient of putting
out your eyes, was so far from being a remedy against this evil, that it
would probably increase it, as is manifest from the common practice of
blinding some kind of fowls, after which they fed the faster, and grew
sooner fat; that his sacred majesty and the council, who are your judges,
were, in their own consciences, fully convinced of your guilt, which was
a sufficient argument to condemn you to death, without the formal proofs
required by the strict letter of the law.

"But his imperial majesty, fully determined against capital punishment,
was graciously pleased to say, that since the council thought the loss of
your eyes too easy a censure, some other way may be inflicted hereafter.
And your friend the secretary, humbly desiring to be heard again, in
answer to what the treasurer had objected, concerning the great charge
his majesty was at in maintaining you, said, that his excellency, who had
the sole disposal of the emperor's revenue, might easily provide against
that evil, by gradually lessening your establishment; by which, for want
of sufficient for you would grow weak and faint, and lose your appetite,
and consequently, decay, and consume in a few months; neither would the
stench of your carcass be then so dangerous, when it should become more
than half diminished; and immediately upon your death five or six
thousand of his majesty's subjects might, in two or three days, cut your
flesh from your bones, take it away by cart-loads, and bury it in distant
parts, to prevent infection, leaving the skeleton as a monument of
admiration to posterity.

"Thus, by the great friendship of the secretary, the whole affair was
compromised.  It was strictly enjoined, that the project of starving you
by degrees should be kept a secret; but the sentence of putting out your
eyes was entered on the books; none dissenting, except Bolgolam the
admiral, who, being a creature of the empress, was perpetually instigated
by her majesty to insist upon your death, she having borne perpetual
malice against you, on account of that infamous and illegal method you
took to extinguish the fire in her apartment.

"In three days your friend the secretary will be directed to come to your
house, and read before you the articles of impeachment; and then to
signify the great lenity and favour of his majesty and council, whereby
you are only condemned to the loss of your eyes, which his majesty does
not question you will gratefully and humbly submit to; and twenty of his
majesty's surgeons will attend, in order to see the operation well
performed, by discharging very sharp-pointed arrows into the balls of
your eyes, as you lie on the ground.

"I leave to your prudence what measures you will take; and to avoid
suspicion, I must immediately return in as private a manner as I came."

His lordship did so; and I remained alone, under many doubts and
perplexities of mind.

It was a custom introduced by this prince and his ministry (very
different, as I have been assured, from the practice of former times,)
that after the court had decreed any cruel execution, either to gratify
the monarch's resentment, or the malice of a favourite, the emperor
always made a speech to his whole council, expressing his great lenity
and tenderness, as qualities known and confessed by all the world.  This
speech was immediately published throughout the kingdom; nor did any
thing terrify the people so much as those encomiums on his majesty's
mercy; because it was observed, that the more these praises were enlarged
and insisted on, the more inhuman was the punishment, and the sufferer
more innocent.  Yet, as to myself, I must confess, having never been
designed for a courtier, either by my birth or education, I was so ill a
judge of things, that I could not discover the lenity and favour of this
sentence, but conceived it (perhaps erroneously) rather to be rigorous
than gentle.  I sometimes thought of standing my trial, for, although I
could not deny the facts alleged in the several articles, yet I hoped
they would admit of some extenuation.  But having in my life perused many
state-trials, which I ever observed to terminate as the judges thought
fit to direct, I durst not rely on so dangerous a decision, in so
critical a juncture, and against such powerful enemies.  Once I was
strongly bent upon resistance, for, while I had liberty the whole
strength of that empire could hardly subdue me, and I might easily with
stones pelt the metropolis to pieces; but I soon rejected that project
with horror, by remembering the oath I had made to the emperor, the
favours I received from him, and the high title of _nardac_ he conferred
upon me.  Neither had I so soon learned the gratitude of courtiers, to
persuade myself, that his majesty's present seventies acquitted me of all
past obligations.

At last, I fixed upon a resolution, for which it is probable I may incur
some censure, and not unjustly; for I confess I owe the preserving of
mine eyes, and consequently my liberty, to my own great rashness and want
of experience; because, if I had then known the nature of princes and
ministers, which I have since observed in many other courts, and their
methods of treating criminals less obnoxious than myself, I should, with
great alacrity and readiness, have submitted to so easy a punishment.
But hurried on by the precipitancy of youth, and having his imperial
majesty's license to pay my attendance upon the emperor of Blefuscu, I
took this opportunity, before the three days were elapsed, to send a
letter to my friend the secretary, signifying my resolution of setting
out that morning for Blefuscu, pursuant to the leave I had got; and,
without waiting for an answer, I went to that side of the island where
our fleet lay.  I seized a large man of war, tied a cable to the prow,
and, lifting up the anchors, I stripped myself, put my clothes (together
with my coverlet, which I carried under my arm) into the vessel, and,
drawing it after me, between wading and swimming arrived at the royal
port of Blefuscu, where the people had long expected me: they lent me two
guides to direct me to the capital city, which is of the same name.  I
held them in my hands, till I came within two hundred yards of the gate,
and desired them "to signify my arrival to one of the secretaries, and
let him know, I there waited his majesty's command."  I had an answer in
about an hour, "that his majesty, attended by the royal family, and great
officers of the court, was coming out to receive me."  I advanced a
hundred yards.  The emperor and his train alighted from their horses, the
empress and ladies from their coaches, and I did not perceive they were
in any fright or concern.  I lay on the ground to kiss his majesty's and
the empress's hands.  I told his majesty, "that I was come according to
my promise, and with the license of the emperor my master, to have the
honour of seeing so mighty a monarch, and to offer him any service in my
power, consistent with my duty to my own prince;" not mentioning a word
of my disgrace, because I had hitherto no regular information of it, and
might suppose myself wholly ignorant of any such design; neither could I
reasonably conceive that the emperor would discover the secret, while I
was out of his power; wherein, however, it soon appeared I was deceived.

I shall not trouble the reader with the particular account of my
reception at this court, which was suitable to the generosity of so great
a prince; nor of the difficulties I was in for want of a house and bed,
being forced to lie on the ground, wrapped up in my coverlet.



CHAPTER VIII.


The author, by a lucky accident, finds means to leave Blefuscu; and,
after some difficulties, returns safe to his native country.

Three days after my arrival, walking out of curiosity to the north-east
coast of the island, I observed, about half a league off in the sea,
somewhat that looked like a boat overturned.  I pulled off my shoes and
stockings, and, wailing two or three hundred yards, I found the object to
approach nearer by force of the tide; and then plainly saw it to be a
real boat, which I supposed might by some tempest have been driven from a
ship.  Whereupon, I returned immediately towards the city, and desired
his imperial majesty to lend me twenty of the tallest vessels he had
left, after the loss of his fleet, and three thousand seamen, under the
command of his vice-admiral.  This fleet sailed round, while I went back
the shortest way to the coast, where I first discovered the boat.  I
found the tide had driven it still nearer.  The seamen were all provided
with cordage, which I had beforehand twisted to a sufficient strength.
When the ships came up, I stripped myself, and waded till I came within a
hundred yards off the boat, after which I was forced to swim till I got
up to it.  The seamen threw me the end of the cord, which I fastened to a
hole in the fore-part of the boat, and the other end to a man of war; but
I found all my labour to little purpose; for, being out of my depth, I
was not able to work.  In this necessity I was forced to swim behind, and
push the boat forward, as often as I could, with one of my hands; and the
tide favouring me, I advanced so far that I could just hold up my chin
and feel the ground.  I rested two or three minutes, and then gave the
boat another shove, and so on, till the sea was no higher than my
arm-pits; and now, the most laborious part being over, I took out my
other cables, which were stowed in one of the ships, and fastened them
first to the boat, and then to nine of the vessels which attended me; the
wind being favourable, the seamen towed, and I shoved, until we arrived
within forty yards of the shore; and, waiting till the tide was out, I
got dry to the boat, and by the assistance of two thousand men, with
ropes and engines, I made a shift to turn it on its bottom, and found it
was but little damaged.

I shall not trouble the reader with the difficulties I was under, by the
help of certain paddles, which cost me ten days making, to get my boat to
the royal port of Blefuscu, where a mighty concourse of people appeared
upon my arrival, full of wonder at the sight of so prodigious a vessel.
I told the emperor "that my good fortune had thrown this boat in my way,
to carry me to some place whence I might return into my native country;
and begged his majesty's orders for getting materials to fit it up,
together with his license to depart;" which, after some kind
expostulations, he was pleased to grant.

I did very much wonder, in all this time, not to have heard of any
express relating to me from our emperor to the court of Blefuscu.  But I
was afterward given privately to understand, that his imperial majesty,
never imagining I had the least notice of his designs, believed I was
only gone to Blefuscu in performance of my promise, according to the
license he had given me, which was well known at our court, and would
return in a few days, when the ceremony was ended.  But he was at last in
pain at my long absence; and after consulting with the treasurer and the
rest of that cabal, a person of quality was dispatched with the copy of
the articles against me.  This envoy had instructions to represent to the
monarch of Blefuscu, "the great lenity of his master, who was content to
punish me no farther than with the loss of mine eyes; that I had fled
from justice; and if I did not return in two hours, I should be deprived
of my title of _nardac_, and declared a traitor."  The envoy further
added, "that in order to maintain the peace and amity between both
empires, his master expected that his brother of Blefuscu would give
orders to have me sent back to Lilliput, bound hand and foot, to be
punished as a traitor."

The emperor of Blefuscu, having taken three days to consult, returned an
answer consisting of many civilities and excuses.  He said, "that as for
sending me bound, his brother knew it was impossible; that, although I
had deprived him of his fleet, yet he owed great obligations to me for
many good offices I had done him in making the peace.  That, however,
both their majesties would soon be made easy; for I had found a
prodigious vessel on the shore, able to carry me on the sea, which he had
given orders to fit up, with my own assistance and direction; and he
hoped, in a few weeks, both empires would be freed from so insupportable
an encumbrance."

With this answer the envoy returned to Lilliput; and the monarch of
Blefuscu related to me all that had passed; offering me at the same time
(but under the strictest confidence) his gracious protection, if I would
continue in his service; wherein, although I believed him sincere, yet I
resolved never more to put any confidence in princes or ministers, where
I could possibly avoid it; and therefore, with all due acknowledgments
for his favourable intentions, I humbly begged to be excused.  I told
him, "that since fortune, whether good or evil, had thrown a vessel in my
way, I was resolved to venture myself on the ocean, rather than be an
occasion of difference between two such mighty monarchs."  Neither did I
find the emperor at all displeased; and I discovered, by a certain
accident, that he was very glad of my resolution, and so were most of his
ministers.

These considerations moved me to hasten my departure somewhat sooner than
I intended; to which the court, impatient to have me gone, very readily
contributed.  Five hundred workmen were employed to make two sails to my
boat, according to my directions, by quilting thirteen folds of their
strongest linen together.  I was at the pains of making ropes and cables,
by twisting ten, twenty, or thirty of the thickest and strongest of
theirs.  A great stone that I happened to find, after a long search, by
the sea-shore, served me for an anchor.  I had the tallow of three
hundred cows, for greasing my boat, and other uses.  I was at incredible
pains in cutting down some of the largest timber-trees, for oars and
masts, wherein I was, however, much assisted by his majesty's
ship-carpenters, who helped me in smoothing them, after I had done the
rough work.

In about a month, when all was prepared, I sent to receive his majesty's
commands, and to take my leave.  The emperor and royal family came out of
the palace; I lay down on my face to kiss his hand, which he very
graciously gave me: so did the empress and young princes of the blood.
His majesty presented me with fifty purses of two hundred _sprugs_
a-piece, together with his picture at full length, which I put
immediately into one of my gloves, to keep it from being hurt.  The
ceremonies at my departure were too many to trouble the reader with at
this time.

I stored the boat with the carcases of a hundred oxen, and three hundred
sheep, with bread and drink proportionable, and as much meat ready
dressed as four hundred cooks could provide.  I took with me six cows and
two bulls alive, with as many ewes and rams, intending to carry them into
my own country, and propagate the breed.  And to feed them on board, I
had a good bundle of hay, and a bag of corn.  I would gladly have taken a
dozen of the natives, but this was a thing the emperor would by no means
permit; and, besides a diligent search into my pockets, his majesty
engaged my honour "not to carry away any of his subjects, although with
their own consent and desire."

Having thus prepared all things as well as I was able, I set sail on the
twenty-fourth day of September 1701, at six in the morning; and when I
had gone about four-leagues to the northward, the wind being at
south-east, at six in the evening I descried a small island, about half a
league to the north-west.  I advanced forward, and cast anchor on the
lee-side of the island, which seemed to be uninhabited.  I then took some
refreshment, and went to my rest.  I slept well, and as I conjectured at
least six hours, for I found the day broke in two hours after I awaked.
It was a clear night.  I ate my breakfast before the sun was up; and
heaving anchor, the wind being favourable, I steered the same course that
I had done the day before, wherein I was directed by my pocket compass.
My intention was to reach, if possible, one of those islands which I had
reason to believe lay to the north-east of Van Diemen's Land.  I
discovered nothing all that day; but upon the next, about three in the
afternoon, when I had by my computation made twenty-four leagues from
Blefuscu, I descried a sail steering to the south-east; my course was due
east.  I hailed her, but could get no answer; yet I found I gained upon
her, for the wind slackened.  I made all the sail I could, and in half an
hour she spied me, then hung out her ancient, and discharged a gun.  It
is not easy to express the joy I was in, upon the unexpected hope of once
more seeing my beloved country, and the dear pledges I left in it.  The
ship slackened her sails, and I came up with her between five and six in
the evening, September 26th; but my heart leaped within me to see her
English colours.  I put my cows and sheep into my coat-pockets, and got
on board with all my little cargo of provisions.  The vessel was an
English merchantman, returning from Japan by the North and South seas;
the captain, Mr. John Biddel, of Deptford, a very civil man, and an
excellent sailor.

We were now in the latitude of 30 degrees south; there were about fifty
men in the ship; and here I met an old comrade of mine, one Peter
Williams, who gave me a good character to the captain.  This gentleman
treated me with kindness, and desired I would let him know what place I
came from last, and whither I was bound; which I did in a few words, but
he thought I was raving, and that the dangers I underwent had disturbed
my head; whereupon I took my black cattle and sheep out of my pocket,
which, after great astonishment, clearly convinced him of my veracity.  I
then showed him the gold given me by the emperor of Blefuscu, together
with his majesty's picture at full length, and some other rarities of
that country.  I gave him two purses of two hundreds _sprugs_ each, and
promised, when we arrived in England, to make him a present of a cow and
a sheep big with young.

I shall not trouble the reader with a particular account of this voyage,
which was very prosperous for the most part.  We arrived in the Downs on
the 13th of April, 1702.  I had only one misfortune, that the rats on
board carried away one of my sheep; I found her bones in a hole, picked
clean from the flesh.  The rest of my cattle I got safe ashore, and set
them a-grazing in a bowling-green at Greenwich, where the fineness of the
grass made them feed very heartily, though I had always feared the
contrary: neither could I possibly have preserved them in so long a
voyage, if the captain had not allowed me some of his best biscuit,
which, rubbed to powder, and mingled with water, was their constant food.
The short time I continued in England, I made a considerable profit by
showing my cattle to many persons of quality and others: and before I
began my second voyage, I sold them for six hundred pounds.  Since my
last return I find the breed is considerably increased, especially the
sheep, which I hope will prove much to the advantage of the woollen
manufacture, by the fineness of the fleeces.

I stayed but two months with my wife and family, for my insatiable desire
of seeing foreign countries, would suffer me to continue no longer.  I
left fifteen hundred pounds with my wife, and fixed her in a good house
at Redriff.  My remaining stock I carried with me, part in money and part
in goods, in hopes to improve my fortunes.  My eldest uncle John had left
me an estate in land, near Epping, of about thirty pounds a-year; and I
had a long lease of the Black Bull in Fetter-Lane, which yielded me as
much more; so that I was not in any danger of leaving my family upon the
parish.  My son Johnny, named so after his uncle, was at the
grammar-school, and a towardly child.  My daughter Betty (who is now well
married, and has children) was then at her needle-work.  I took leave of
my wife, and boy and girl, with tears on both sides, and went on board
the Adventure, a merchant ship of three hundred tons, bound for Surat,
captain John Nicholas, of Liverpool, commander.  But my account of this
voyage must be referred to the Second Part of my Travels.






PART II.  A VOYAGE TO BROBDINGNAG.






CHAPTER I.


A great storm described; the long boat sent to fetch water; the author
goes with it to discover the country.  He is left on shore, is seized by
one of the natives, and carried to a farmer's house.  His reception, with
several accidents that happened there.  A description of the inhabitants.

Having been condemned, by nature and fortune, to active and restless
life, in two months after my return, I again left my native country, and
took shipping in the Downs, on the 20th day of June, 1702, in the
Adventure, Captain John Nicholas, a Cornish man, commander, bound for
Surat.  We had a very prosperous gale, till we arrived at the Cape of
Good Hope, where we landed for fresh water; but discovering a leak, we
unshipped our goods and wintered there; for the captain falling sick of
an ague, we could not leave the Cape till the end of March.  We then set
sail, and had a good voyage till we passed the Straits of Madagascar; but
having got northward of that island, and to about five degrees south
latitude, the winds, which in those seas are observed to blow a constant
equal gale between the north and west, from the beginning of December to
the beginning of May, on the 19th of April began to blow with much
greater violence, and more westerly than usual, continuing so for twenty
days together: during which time, we were driven a little to the east of
the Molucca Islands, and about three degrees northward of the line, as
our captain found by an observation he took the 2nd of May, at which time
the wind ceased, and it was a perfect calm, whereat I was not a little
rejoiced.  But he, being a man well experienced in the navigation of
those seas, bid us all prepare against a storm, which accordingly
happened the day following: for the southern wind, called the southern
monsoon, began to set in.

Finding it was likely to overblow, we took in our sprit-sail, and stood
by to hand the fore-sail; but making foul weather, we looked the guns
were all fast, and handed the mizen.  The ship lay very broad off, so we
thought it better spooning before the sea, than trying or hulling.  We
reefed the fore-sail and set him, and hauled aft the fore-sheet; the helm
was hard a-weather.  The ship wore bravely.  We belayed the fore
down-haul; but the sail was split, and we hauled down the yard, and got
the sail into the ship, and unbound all the things clear of it.  It was a
very fierce storm; the sea broke strange and dangerous.  We hauled off
upon the laniard of the whip-staff, and helped the man at the helm.  We
would not get down our topmast, but let all stand, because she scudded
before the sea very well, and we knew that the top-mast being aloft, the
ship was the wholesomer, and made better way through the sea, seeing we
had sea-room.  When the storm was over, we set fore-sail and main-sail,
and brought the ship to.  Then we set the mizen, main-top-sail, and the
fore-top-sail.  Our course was east-north-east, the wind was at
south-west.  We got the starboard tacks aboard, we cast off our
weather-braces and lifts; we set in the lee-braces, and hauled forward by
the weather-bowlings, and hauled them tight, and belayed them, and hauled
over the mizen tack to windward, and kept her full and by as near as she
would lie.

During this storm, which was followed by a strong wind west-south-west,
we were carried, by my computation, about five hundred leagues to the
east, so that the oldest sailor on board could not tell in what part of
the world we were.  Our provisions held out well, our ship was staunch,
and our crew all in good health; but we lay in the utmost distress for
water.  We thought it best to hold on the same course, rather than turn
more northerly, which might have brought us to the north-west part of
Great Tartary, and into the Frozen Sea.

On the 16th day of June, 1703, a boy on the top-mast discovered land.  On
the 17th, we came in full view of a great island, or continent (for we
knew not whether;) on the south side whereof was a small neck of land
jutting out into the sea, and a creek too shallow to hold a ship of above
one hundred tons.  We cast anchor within a league of this creek, and our
captain sent a dozen of his men well armed in the long-boat, with vessels
for water, if any could be found.  I desired his leave to go with them,
that I might see the country, and make what discoveries I could.  When we
came to land we saw no river or spring, nor any sign of inhabitants.  Our
men therefore wandered on the shore to find out some fresh water near the
sea, and I walked alone about a mile on the other side, where I observed
the country all barren and rocky.  I now began to be weary, and seeing
nothing to entertain my curiosity, I returned gently down towards the
creek; and the sea being full in my view, I saw our men already got into
the boat, and rowing for life to the ship.  I was going to holla after
them, although it had been to little purpose, when I observed a huge
creature walking after them in the sea, as fast as he could: he waded not
much deeper than his knees, and took prodigious strides: but our men had
the start of him half a league, and, the sea thereabouts being full of
sharp-pointed rocks, the monster was not able to overtake the boat.  This
I was afterwards told, for I durst not stay to see the issue of the
adventure; but ran as fast as I could the way I first went, and then
climbed up a steep hill, which gave me some prospect of the country.  I
found it fully cultivated; but that which first surprised me was the
length of the grass, which, in those grounds that seemed to be kept for
hay, was about twenty feet high.

I fell into a high road, for so I took it to be, though it served to the
inhabitants only as a foot-path through a field of barley.  Here I walked
on for some time, but could see little on either side, it being now near
harvest, and the corn rising at least forty feet.  I was an hour walking
to the end of this field, which was fenced in with a hedge of at least
one hundred and twenty feet high, and the trees so lofty that I could
make no computation of their altitude.  There was a stile to pass from
this field into the next.  It had four steps, and a stone to cross over
when you came to the uppermost.  It was impossible for me to climb this
stile, because every step was six-feet high, and the upper stone about
twenty.  I was endeavouring to find some gap in the hedge, when I
discovered one of the inhabitants in the next field, advancing towards
the stile, of the same size with him whom I saw in the sea pursuing our
boat.  He appeared as tall as an ordinary spire steeple, and took about
ten yards at every stride, as near as I could guess.  I was struck with
the utmost fear and astonishment, and ran to hide myself in the corn,
whence I saw him at the top of the stile looking back into the next field
on the right hand, and heard him call in a voice many degrees louder than
a speaking-trumpet: but the noise was so high in the air, that at first I
certainly thought it was thunder.  Whereupon seven monsters, like
himself, came towards him with reaping-hooks in their hands, each hook
about the largeness of six scythes.  These people were not so well clad
as the first, whose servants or labourers they seemed to be; for, upon
some words he spoke, they went to reap the corn in the field where I lay.
I kept from them at as great a distance as I could, but was forced to
move with extreme difficulty, for the stalks of the corn were sometimes
not above a foot distant, so that I could hardly squeeze my body betwixt
them.  However, I made a shift to go forward, till I came to a part of
the field where the corn had been laid by the rain and wind.  Here it was
impossible for me to advance a step; for the stalks were so interwoven,
that I could not creep through, and the beards of the fallen ears so
strong and pointed, that they pierced through my clothes into my flesh.
At the same time I heard the reapers not a hundred yards behind me.
Being quite dispirited with toil, and wholly overcome by grief and
dispair, I lay down between two ridges, and heartily wished I might there
end my days.  I bemoaned my desolate widow and fatherless children.  I
lamented my own folly and wilfulness, in attempting a second voyage,
against the advice of all my friends and relations.  In this terrible
agitation of mind, I could not forbear thinking of Lilliput, whose
inhabitants looked upon me as the greatest prodigy that ever appeared in
the world; where I was able to draw an imperial fleet in my hand, and
perform those other actions, which will be recorded for ever in the
chronicles of that empire, while posterity shall hardly believe them,
although attested by millions.  I reflected what a mortification it must
prove to me, to appear as inconsiderable in this nation, as one single
Lilliputian would be among us.  But this I conceived was to be the least
of my misfortunes; for, as human creatures are observed to be more savage
and cruel in proportion to their bulk, what could I expect but to be a
morsel in the mouth of the first among these enormous barbarians that
should happen to seize me?  Undoubtedly philosophers are in the right,
when they tell us that nothing is great or little otherwise than by
comparison.  It might have pleased fortune, to have let the Lilliputians
find some nation, where the people were as diminutive with respect to
them, as they were to me.  And who knows but that even this prodigious
race of mortals might be equally overmatched in some distant part of the
world, whereof we have yet no discovery.

Scared and confounded as I was, I could not forbear going on with these
reflections, when one of the reapers, approaching within ten yards of the
ridge where I lay, made me apprehend that with the next step I should be
squashed to death under his foot, or cut in two with his reaping-hook.
And therefore, when he was again about to move, I screamed as loud as
fear could make me: whereupon the huge creature trod short, and, looking
round about under him for some time, at last espied me as I lay on the
ground.  He considered awhile, with the caution of one who endeavours to
lay hold on a small dangerous animal in such a manner that it shall not
be able either to scratch or bite him, as I myself have sometimes done
with a weasel in England.  At length he ventured to take me behind, by
the middle, between his fore-finger and thumb, and brought me within
three yards of his eyes, that he might behold my shape more perfectly.  I
guessed his meaning, and my good fortune gave me so much presence of
mind, that I resolved not to struggle in the least as he held me in the
air above sixty feet from the ground, although he grievously pinched my
sides, for fear I should slip through his fingers.  All I ventured was to
raise mine eyes towards the sun, and place my hands together in a
supplicating posture, and to speak some words in a humble melancholy
tone, suitable to the condition I then was in: for I apprehended every
moment that he would dash me against the ground, as we usually do any
little hateful animal, which we have a mind to destroy.  But my good star
would have it, that he appeared pleased with my voice and gestures, and
began to look upon me as a curiosity, much wondering to hear me pronounce
articulate words, although he could not understand them.  In the mean
time I was not able to forbear groaning and shedding tears, and turning
my head towards my sides; letting him know, as well as I could, how
cruelly I was hurt by the pressure of his thumb and finger.  He seemed to
apprehend my meaning; for, lifting up the lappet of his coat, he put me
gently into it, and immediately ran along with me to his master, who was
a substantial farmer, and the same person I had first seen in the field.

The farmer having (as I suppose by their talk) received such an account
of me as his servant could give him, took a piece of a small straw, about
the size of a walking-staff, and therewith lifted up the lappets of my
coat; which it seems he thought to be some kind of covering that nature
had given me.  He blew my hairs aside to take a better view of my face.
He called his hinds about him, and asked them, as I afterwards learned,
whether they had ever seen in the fields any little creature that
resembled me.  He then placed me softly on the ground upon all fours, but
I got immediately up, and walked slowly backward and forward, to let
those people see I had no intent to run away.  They all sat down in a
circle about me, the better to observe my motions.  I pulled off my hat,
and made a low bow towards the farmer.  I fell on my knees, and lifted up
my hands and eyes, and spoke several words as loud as I could: I took a
purse of gold out of my pocket, and humbly presented it to him.  He
received it on the palm of his hand, then applied it close to his eye to
see what it was, and afterwards turned it several times with the point of
a pin (which he took out of his sleeve,) but could make nothing of it.
Whereupon I made a sign that he should place his hand on the ground.  I
then took the purse, and, opening it, poured all the gold into his palm.
There were six Spanish pieces of four pistoles each, beside twenty or
thirty smaller coins.  I saw him wet the tip of his little finger upon
his tongue, and take up one of my largest pieces, and then another; but
he seemed to be wholly ignorant what they were.  He made me a sign to put
them again into my purse, and the purse again into my pocket, which,
after offering it to him several times, I thought it best to do.

The farmer, by this time, was convinced I must be a rational creature.
He spoke often to me; but the sound of his voice pierced my ears like
that of a water-mill, yet his words were articulate enough.  I answered
as loud as I could in several languages, and he often laid his ear within
two yards of me: but all in vain, for we were wholly unintelligible to
each other.  He then sent his servants to their work, and taking his
handkerchief out of his pocket, he doubled and spread it on his left
hand, which he placed flat on the ground with the palm upward, making me
a sign to step into it, as I could easily do, for it was not above a foot
in thickness.  I thought it my part to obey, and, for fear of falling,
laid myself at full length upon the handkerchief, with the remainder of
which he lapped me up to the head for further security, and in this
manner carried me home to his house.  There he called his wife, and
showed me to her; but she screamed and ran back, as women in England do
at the sight of a toad or a spider.  However, when she had a while seen
my behaviour, and how well I observed the signs her husband made, she was
soon reconciled, and by degrees grew extremely tender of me.

It was about twelve at noon, and a servant brought in dinner.  It was
only one substantial dish of meat (fit for the plain condition of a
husbandman,) in a dish of about four-and-twenty feet diameter.  The
company were, the farmer and his wife, three children, and an old
grandmother.  When they were sat down, the farmer placed me at some
distance from him on the table, which was thirty feet high from the
floor.  I was in a terrible fright, and kept as far as I could from the
edge, for fear of falling.  The wife minced a bit of meat, then crumbled
some bread on a trencher, and placed it before me.  I made her a low bow,
took out my knife and fork, and fell to eat, which gave them exceeding
delight.  The mistress sent her maid for a small dram cup, which held
about two gallons, and filled it with drink; I took up the vessel with
much difficulty in both hands, and in a most respectful manner drank to
her ladyship's health, expressing the words as loud as I could in
English, which made the company laugh so heartily, that I was almost
deafened with the noise.  This liquor tasted like a small cider, and was
not unpleasant.  Then the master made me a sign to come to his trencher
side; but as I walked on the table, being in great surprise all the time,
as the indulgent reader will easily conceive and excuse, I happened to
stumble against a crust, and fell flat on my face, but received no hurt.
I got up immediately, and observing the good people to be in much
concern, I took my hat (which I held under my arm out of good manners,)
and waving it over my head, made three huzzas, to show I had got no
mischief by my fall.  But advancing forward towards my master (as I shall
henceforth call him,) his youngest son, who sat next to him, an arch boy
of about ten years old, took me up by the legs, and held me so high in
the air, that I trembled every limb: but his father snatched me from him,
and at the same time gave him such a box on the left ear, as would have
felled an European troop of horse to the earth, ordering him to be taken
from the table.  But being afraid the boy might owe me a spite, and well
remembering how mischievous all children among us naturally are to
sparrows, rabbits, young kittens, and puppy dogs, I fell on my knees, and
pointing to the boy, made my master to understand, as well as I could,
that I desired his son might be pardoned.  The father complied, and the
lad took his seat again, whereupon I went to him, and kissed his hand,
which my master took, and made him stroke me gently with it.

In the midst of dinner, my mistress's favourite cat leaped into her lap.
I heard a noise behind me like that of a dozen stocking-weavers at work;
and turning my head, I found it proceeded from the purring of that
animal, who seemed to be three times larger than an ox, as I computed by
the view of her head, and one of her paws, while her mistress was feeding
and stroking her.  The fierceness of this creature's countenance
altogether discomposed me; though I stood at the farther end of the
table, above fifty feet off; and although my mistress held her fast, for
fear she might give a spring, and seize me in her talons.  But it
happened there was no danger, for the cat took not the least notice of me
when my master placed me within three yards of her.  And as I have been
always told, and found true by experience in my travels, that flying or
discovering fear before a fierce animal, is a certain way to make it
pursue or attack you, so I resolved, in this dangerous juncture, to show
no manner of concern.  I walked with intrepidity five or six times before
the very head of the cat, and came within half a yard of her; whereupon
she drew herself back, as if she were more afraid of me: I had less
apprehension concerning the dogs, whereof three or four came into the
room, as it is usual in farmers' houses; one of which was a mastiff,
equal in bulk to four elephants, and another a greyhound, somewhat taller
than the mastiff, but not so large.

When dinner was almost done, the nurse came in with a child of a year old
in her arms, who immediately spied me, and began a squall that you might
have heard from London-Bridge to Chelsea, after the usual oratory of
infants, to get me for a plaything.  The mother, out of pure indulgence,
took me up, and put me towards the child, who presently seized me by the
middle, and got my head into his mouth, where I roared so loud that the
urchin was frighted, and let me drop, and I should infallibly have broke
my neck, if the mother had not held her apron under me.  The nurse, to
quiet her babe, made use of a rattle which was a kind of hollow vessel
filled with great stones, and fastened by a cable to the child's waist:
but all in vain; so that she was forced to apply the last remedy by
giving it suck.  I must confess no object ever disgusted me so much as
the sight of her monstrous breast, which I cannot tell what to compare
with, so as to give the curious reader an idea of its bulk, shape, and
colour.  It stood prominent six feet, and could not be less than sixteen
in circumference.  The nipple was about half the bigness of my head, and
the hue both of that and the dug, so varied with spots, pimples, and
freckles, that nothing could appear more nauseous: for I had a near sight
of her, she sitting down, the more conveniently to give suck, and I
standing on the table.  This made me reflect upon the fair skins of our
English ladies, who appear so beautiful to us, only because they are of
our own size, and their defects not to be seen but through a magnifying
glass; where we find by experiment that the smoothest and whitest skins
look rough, and coarse, and ill-coloured.

I remember when I was at Lilliput, the complexion of those diminutive
people appeared to me the fairest in the world; and talking upon this
subject with a person of learning there, who was an intimate friend of
mine, he said that my face appeared much fairer and smoother when he
looked on me from the ground, than it did upon a nearer view, when I took
him up in my hand, and brought him close, which he confessed was at first
a very shocking sight.  He said, "he could discover great holes in my
skin; that the stumps of my beard were ten times stronger than the
bristles of a boar, and my complexion made up of several colours
altogether disagreeable:" although I must beg leave to say for myself,
that I am as fair as most of my sex and country, and very little sunburnt
by all my travels.  On the other side, discoursing of the ladies in that
emperor's court, he used to tell me, "one had freckles; another too wide
a mouth; a third too large a nose;" nothing of which I was able to
distinguish.  I confess this reflection was obvious enough; which,
however, I could not forbear, lest the reader might think those vast
creatures were actually deformed: for I must do them the justice to say,
they are a comely race of people, and particularly the features of my
master's countenance, although he was but a farmer, when I beheld him
from the height of sixty feet, appeared very well proportioned.

When dinner was done, my master went out to his labourers, and, as I
could discover by his voice and gesture, gave his wife strict charge to
take care of me.  I was very much tired, and disposed to sleep, which my
mistress perceiving, she put me on her own bed, and covered me with a
clean white handkerchief, but larger and coarser than the mainsail of a
man-of-war.

I slept about two hours, and dreamt I was at home with my wife and
children, which aggravated my sorrows when I awaked, and found myself
alone in a vast room, between two and three hundred feet wide, and above
two hundred high, lying in a bed twenty yards wide.  My mistress was gone
about her household affairs, and had locked me in.  The bed was eight
yards from the floor.  Some natural necessities required me to get down;
I durst not presume to call; and if I had, it would have been in vain,
with such a voice as mine, at so great a distance from the room where I
lay to the kitchen where the family kept.  While I was under these
circumstances, two rats crept up the curtains, and ran smelling backwards
and forwards on the bed.  One of them came up almost to my face,
whereupon I rose in a fright, and drew out my hanger to defend myself.
These horrible animals had the boldness to attack me on both sides, and
one of them held his fore-feet at my collar; but I had the good fortune
to rip up his belly before he could do me any mischief.  He fell down at
my feet; and the other, seeing the fate of his comrade, made his escape,
but not without one good wound on the back, which I gave him as he fled,
and made the blood run trickling from him.  After this exploit, I walked
gently to and fro on the bed, to recover my breath and loss of spirits.
These creatures were of the size of a large mastiff, but infinitely more
nimble and fierce; so that if I had taken off my belt before I went to
sleep, I must have infallibly been torn to pieces and devoured.  I
measured the tail of the dead rat, and found it to be two yards long,
wanting an inch; but it went against my stomach to drag the carcass off
the bed, where it lay still bleeding; I observed it had yet some life,
but with a strong slash across the neck, I thoroughly despatched it.

Soon after my mistress came into the room, who seeing me all bloody, ran
and took me up in her hand.  I pointed to the dead rat, smiling, and
making other signs to show I was not hurt; whereat she was extremely
rejoiced, calling the maid to take up the dead rat with a pair of tongs,
and throw it out of the window.  Then she set me on a table, where I
showed her my hanger all bloody, and wiping it on the lappet of my coat,
returned it to the scabbard.  I was pressed to do more than one thing
which another could not do for me, and therefore endeavoured to make my
mistress understand, that I desired to be set down on the floor; which
after she had done, my bashfulness would not suffer me to express myself
farther, than by pointing to the door, and bowing several times.  The
good woman, with much difficulty, at last perceived what I would be at,
and taking me up again in her hand, walked into the garden, where she set
me down.  I went on one side about two hundred yards, and beckoning to
her not to look or to follow me, I hid myself between two leaves of
sorrel, and there discharged the necessities of nature.

I hope the gentle reader will excuse me for dwelling on these and the
like particulars, which, however insignificant they may appear to
groveling vulgar minds, yet will certainly help a philosopher to enlarge
his thoughts and imagination, and apply them to the benefit of public as
well as private life, which was my sole design in presenting this and
other accounts of my travels to the world; wherein I have been chiefly
studious of truth, without affecting any ornaments of learning or of
style.  But the whole scene of this voyage made so strong an impression
on my mind, and is so deeply fixed in my memory, that, in committing it
to paper I did not omit one material circumstance: however, upon a strict
review, I blotted out several passages.  Of less moment which were in my
first copy, for fear of being censured as tedious and trifling, whereof
travellers are often, perhaps not without justice, accused.



CHAPTER II.


A description of the farmer's daughter.  The author carried to a
market-town, and then to the metropolis.  The particulars of his journey.

My mistress had a daughter of nine years old, a child of towardly parts
for her age, very dexterous at her needle, and skilful in dressing her
baby.  Her mother and she contrived to fit up the baby's cradle for me
against night: the cradle was put into a small drawer of a cabinet, and
the drawer placed upon a hanging shelf for fear of the rats.  This was my
bed all the time I staid with those people, though made more convenient
by degrees, as I began to learn their language and make my wants known.
This young girl was so handy, that after I had once or twice pulled off
my clothes before her, she was able to dress and undress me, though I
never gave her that trouble when she would let me do either myself.  She
made me seven shirts, and some other linen, of as fine cloth as could be
got, which indeed was coarser than sackcloth; and these she constantly
washed for me with her own hands.  She was likewise my school-mistress,
to teach me the language: when I pointed to any thing, she told me the
name of it in her own tongue, so that in a few days I was able to call
for whatever I had a mind to.  She was very good-natured, and not above
forty feet high, being little for her age.  She gave me the name of
_Grildrig_, which the family took up, and afterwards the whole kingdom.
The word imports what the Latins call _nanunculus_, the Italians
_homunceletino_, and the English _mannikin_.  To her I chiefly owe my
preservation in that country: we never parted while I was there; I called
her my _Glumdalclitch_, or little nurse; and should be guilty of great
ingratitude, if I omitted this honourable mention of her care and
affection towards me, which I heartily wish it lay in my power to requite
as she deserves, instead of being the innocent, but unhappy instrument of
her disgrace, as I have too much reason to fear.

It now began to be known and talked of in the neighbourhood, that my
master had found a strange animal in the field, about the bigness of a
_splacnuck_, but exactly shaped in every part like a human creature;
which it likewise imitated in all its actions; seemed to speak in a
little language of its own, had already learned several words of theirs,
went erect upon two legs, was tame and gentle, would come when it was
called, do whatever it was bid, had the finest limbs in the world, and a
complexion fairer than a nobleman's daughter of three years old.  Another
farmer, who lived hard by, and was a particular friend of my master, came
on a visit on purpose to inquire into the truth of this story.  I was
immediately produced, and placed upon a table, where I walked as I was
commanded, drew my hanger, put it up again, made my reverence to my
master's guest, asked him in his own language how he did, and told him
_he was welcome_, just as my little nurse had instructed me.  This man,
who was old and dim-sighted, put on his spectacles to behold me better;
at which I could not forbear laughing very heartily, for his eyes
appeared like the full moon shining into a chamber at two windows.  Our
people, who discovered the cause of my mirth, bore me company in
laughing, at which the old fellow was fool enough to be angry and out of
countenance.  He had the character of a great miser; and, to my
misfortune, he well deserved it, by the cursed advice he gave my master,
to show me as a sight upon a market-day in the next town, which was half
an hour's riding, about two-and-twenty miles from our house.  I guessed
there was some mischief when I observed my master and his friend
whispering together, sometimes pointing at me; and my fears made me fancy
that I overheard and understood some of their words.  But the next
morning Glumdalclitch, my little nurse, told me the whole matter, which
she had cunningly picked out from her mother.  The poor girl laid me on
her bosom, and fell a weeping with shame and grief.  She apprehended some
mischief would happen to me from rude vulgar folks, who might squeeze me
to death, or break one of my limbs by taking me in their hands.  She had
also observed how modest I was in my nature, how nicely I regarded my
honour, and what an indignity I should conceive it, to be exposed for
money as a public spectacle, to the meanest of the people.  She said, her
papa and mamma had promised that Grildrig should be hers; but now she
found they meant to serve her as they did last year, when they pretended
to give her a lamb, and yet, as soon as it was fat, sold it to a butcher.
For my own part, I may truly affirm, that I was less concerned than my
nurse.  I had a strong hope, which never left me, that I should one day
recover my liberty: and as to the ignominy of being carried about for a
monster, I considered myself to be a perfect stranger in the country, and
that such a misfortune could never be charged upon me as a reproach, if
ever I should return to England, since the king of Great Britain himself,
in my condition, must have undergone the same distress.

My master, pursuant to the advice of his friend, carried me in a box the
next market-day to the neighbouring town, and took along with him his
little daughter, my nurse, upon a pillion behind him.  The box was close
on every side, with a little door for me to go in and out, and a few
gimlet holes to let in air.  The girl had been so careful as to put the
quilt of her baby's bed into it, for me to lie down on.  However, I was
terribly shaken and discomposed in this journey, though it was but of
half an hour: for the horse went about forty feet at every step and
trotted so high, that the agitation was equal to the rising and falling
of a ship in a great storm, but much more frequent.  Our journey was
somewhat farther than from London to St. Alban's.  My master alighted at
an inn which he used to frequent; and after consulting awhile with the
inn-keeper, and making some necessary preparations, he hired the
_grultrud_, or crier, to give notice through the town of a strange
creature to be seen at the sign of the Green Eagle, not so big as a
_splacnuck_ (an animal in that country very finely shaped, about six feet
long,) and in every part of the body resembling a human creature, could
speak several words, and perform a hundred diverting tricks.

I was placed upon a table in the largest room of the inn, which might be
near three hundred feet square.  My little nurse stood on a low stool
close to the table, to take care of me, and direct what I should do.  My
master, to avoid a crowd, would suffer only thirty people at a time to
see me.  I walked about on the table as the girl commanded; she asked me
questions, as far as she knew my understanding of the language reached,
and I answered them as loud as I could.  I turned about several times to
the company, paid my humble respects, said _they were welcome_, and used
some other speeches I had been taught.  I took up a thimble filled with
liquor, which Glumdalclitch had given me for a cup, and drank their
health, I drew out my hanger, and flourished with it after the manner of
fencers in England.  My nurse gave me a part of a straw, which I
exercised as a pike, having learnt the art in my youth.  I was that day
shown to twelve sets of company, and as often forced to act over again
the same fopperies, till I was half dead with weariness and vexation; for
those who had seen me made such wonderful reports, that the people were
ready to break down the doors to come in.  My master, for his own
interest, would not suffer any one to touch me except my nurse; and to
prevent danger, benches were set round the table at such a distance as to
put me out of every body's reach.  However, an unlucky school-boy aimed a
hazel nut directly at my head, which very narrowly missed me; otherwise
it came with so much violence, that it would have infallibly knocked out
my brains, for it was almost as large as a small pumpkin, but I had the
satisfaction to see the young rogue well beaten, and turned out of the
room.

My master gave public notice that he would show me again the next
market-day; and in the meantime he prepared a convenient vehicle for me,
which he had reason enough to do; for I was so tired with my first
journey, and with entertaining company for eight hours together, that I
could hardly stand upon my legs, or speak a word.  It was at least three
days before I recovered my strength; and that I might have no rest at
home, all the neighbouring gentlemen from a hundred miles round, hearing
of my fame, came to see me at my master's own house.  There could not be
fewer than thirty persons with their wives and children (for the country
is very populous;) and my master demanded the rate of a full room
whenever he showed me at home, although it were only to a single family;
so that for some time I had but little ease every day of the week (except
Wednesday, which is their Sabbath,) although I were not carried to the
town.

My master, finding how profitable I was likely to be, resolved to carry
me to the most considerable cities of the kingdom.  Having therefore
provided himself with all things necessary for a long journey, and
settled his affairs at home, he took leave of his wife, and upon the 17th
of August, 1703, about two months after my arrival, we set out for the
metropolis, situate near the middle of that empire, and about three
thousand miles distance from our house.  My master made his daughter
Glumdalclitch ride behind him.  She carried me on her lap, in a box tied
about her waist.  The girl had lined it on all sides with the softest
cloth she could get, well quilted underneath, furnished it with her
baby's bed, provided me with linen and other necessaries, and made
everything as convenient as she could.  We had no other company but a boy
of the house, who rode after us with the luggage.

My master's design was to show me in all the towns by the way, and to
step out of the road for fifty or a hundred miles, to any village, or
person of quality's house, where he might expect custom.  We made easy
journeys, of not above seven or eight score miles a-day; for
Glumdalclitch, on purpose to spare me, complained she was tired with the
trotting of the horse.  She often took me out of my box, at my own
desire, to give me air, and show me the country, but always held me fast
by a leading-string.  We passed over five or six rivers, many degrees
broader and deeper than the Nile or the Ganges: and there was hardly a
rivulet so small as the Thames at London-bridge.  We were ten weeks in
our journey, and I was shown in eighteen large towns, besides many
villages, and private families.

On the 26th day of October we arrived at the metropolis, called in their
language _Lorbrulgrud_, or Pride of the Universe.  My master took a
lodging in the principal street of the city, not far from the royal
palace, and put out bills in the usual form, containing an exact
description of my person and parts.  He hired a large room between three
and four hundred feet wide.  He provided a table sixty feet in diameter,
upon which I was to act my part, and pallisadoed it round three feet from
the edge, and as many high, to prevent my falling over.  I was shown ten
times a-day, to the wonder and satisfaction of all people.  I could now
speak the language tolerably well, and perfectly understood every word,
that was spoken to me.  Besides, I had learnt their alphabet, and could
make a shift to explain a sentence here and there; for Glumdalclitch had
been my instructor while we were at home, and at leisure hours during our
journey.  She carried a little book in her pocket, not much larger than a
Sanson's Atlas; it was a common treatise for the use of young girls,
giving a short account of their religion: out of this she taught me my
letters, and interpreted the words.



CHAPTER III.


The author sent for to court.  The queen buys him of his master the
farmer, and presents him to the king.  He disputes with his majesty's
great scholars.  An apartment at court provided for the author.  He is in
high favour with the queen.  He stands up for the honour of his own
country.  His quarrels with the queen's dwarf.

The frequent labours I underwent every day, made, in a few weeks, a very
considerable change in my health: the more my master got by me, the more
insatiable he grew.  I had quite lost my stomach, and was almost reduced
to a skeleton.  The farmer observed it, and concluding I must soon die,
resolved to make as good a hand of me as he could.  While he was thus
reasoning and resolving with himself, a _sardral_, or gentleman-usher,
came from court, commanding my master to carry me immediately thither for
the diversion of the queen and her ladies.  Some of the latter had
already been to see me, and reported strange things of my beauty,
behaviour, and good sense.  Her majesty, and those who attended her, were
beyond measure delighted with my demeanour.  I fell on my knees, and
begged the honour of kissing her imperial foot; but this gracious
princess held out her little finger towards me, after I was set on the
table, which I embraced in both my arms, and put the tip of it with the
utmost respect to my lip.  She made me some general questions about my
country and my travels, which I answered as distinctly, and in as few
words as I could.  She asked, "whether I could be content to live at
court?"  I bowed down to the board of the table, and humbly answered
"that I was my master's slave: but, if I were at my own disposal, I
should be proud to devote my life to her majesty's service."  She then
asked my master, "whether he was willing to sell me at a good price?"
He, who apprehended I could not live a month, was ready enough to part
with me, and demanded a thousand pieces of gold, which were ordered him
on the spot, each piece being about the bigness of eight hundred
moidores; but allowing for the proportion of all things between that
country and Europe, and the high price of gold among them, was hardly so
great a sum as a thousand guineas would be in England.  I then said to
the queen, "since I was now her majesty's most humble creature and
vassal, I must beg the favour, that Glumdalclitch, who had always tended
me with so much care and kindness, and understood to do it so well, might
be admitted into her service, and continue to be my nurse and
instructor."

Her majesty agreed to my petition, and easily got the farmer's consent,
who was glad enough to have his daughter preferred at court, and the poor
girl herself was not able to hide her joy.  My late master withdrew,
bidding me farewell, and saying he had left me in a good service; to
which I replied not a word, only making him a slight bow.

The queen observed my coldness; and, when the farmer was gone out of the
apartment, asked me the reason.  I made bold to tell her majesty, "that I
owed no other obligation to my late master, than his not dashing out the
brains of a poor harmless creature, found by chance in his fields: which
obligation was amply recompensed, by the gain he had made in showing me
through half the kingdom, and the price he had now sold me for.  That the
life I had since led was laborious enough to kill an animal of ten times
my strength.  That my health was much impaired, by the continual drudgery
of entertaining the rabble every hour of the day; and that, if my master
had not thought my life in danger, her majesty would not have got so
cheap a bargain.  But as I was out of all fear of being ill-treated under
the protection of so great and good an empress, the ornament of nature,
the darling of the world, the delight of her subjects, the phoenix of the
creation, so I hoped my late master's apprehensions would appear to be
groundless; for I already found my spirits revive, by the influence of
her most august presence."

This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties and
hesitation.  The latter part was altogether framed in the style peculiar
to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from Glumdalclitch, while
she was carrying me to court.

The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in speaking, was,
however, surprised at so much wit and good sense in so diminutive an
animal.  She took me in her own hand, and carried me to the king, who was
then retired to his cabinet.  His majesty, a prince of much gravity and
austere countenance, not well observing my shape at first view, asked the
queen after a cold manner "how long it was since she grew fond of a
_splacnuck_?" for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay upon my breast
in her majesty's right hand.  But this princess, who has an infinite deal
of wit and humour, set me gently on my feet upon the scrutoire, and
commanded me to give his majesty an account of myself, which I did in a
very few words: and Glumdalclitch who attended at the cabinet door, and
could not endure I should be out of her sight, being admitted, confirmed
all that had passed from my arrival at her father's house.

The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his dominions, had
been educated in the study of philosophy, and particularly mathematics;
yet when he observed my shape exactly, and saw me walk erect, before I
began to speak, conceived I might be a piece of clock-work (which is in
that country arrived to a very great perfection) contrived by some
ingenious artist.  But when he heard my voice, and found what I delivered
to be regular and rational, he could not conceal his astonishment.  He
was by no means satisfied with the relation I gave him of the manner I
came into his kingdom, but thought it a story concerted between
Glumdalclitch and her father, who had taught me a set of words to make me
sell at a better price.  Upon this imagination, he put several other
questions to me, and still received rational answers: no otherwise
defective than by a foreign accent, and an imperfect knowledge in the
language, with some rustic phrases which I had learned at the farmer's
house, and did not suit the polite style of a court.

His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their weekly
waiting, according to the custom in that country.  These gentlemen, after
they had a while examined my shape with much nicety, were of different
opinions concerning me.  They all agreed that I could not be produced
according to the regular laws of nature, because I was not framed with a
capacity of preserving my life, either by swiftness, or climbing of
trees, or digging holes in the earth.  They observed by my teeth, which
they viewed with great exactness, that I was a carnivorous animal; yet
most quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and field mice, with some
others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I should be able to
support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other insects, which they
offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that I could not possibly
do.  One of these virtuosi seemed to think that I might be an embryo, or
abortive birth.  But this opinion was rejected by the other two, who
observed my limbs to be perfect and finished; and that I had lived
several years, as it was manifest from my beard, the stumps whereof they
plainly discovered through a magnifying glass.  They would not allow me
to be a dwarf, because my littleness was beyond all degrees of
comparison; for the queen's favourite dwarf, the smallest ever known in
that kingdom, was near thirty feet high.  After much debate, they
concluded unanimously, that I was only _relplum scalcath_, which is
interpreted literally _lusus naturae_; a determination exactly agreeable
to the modern philosophy of Europe, whose professors, disdaining the old
evasion of occult causes, whereby the followers of Aristotle endeavoured
in vain to disguise their ignorance, have invented this wonderful
solution of all difficulties, to the unspeakable advancement of human
knowledge.

After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or two.  I
applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty, "that I came from a
country which abounded with several millions of both sexes, and of my own
stature; where the animals, trees, and houses, were all in proportion,
and where, by consequence, I might be as able to defend myself, and to
find sustenance, as any of his majesty's subjects could do here; which I
took for a full answer to those gentlemen's arguments."  To this they
only replied with a smile of contempt, saying, "that the farmer had
instructed me very well in my lesson."  The king, who had a much better
understanding, dismissing his learned men, sent for the farmer, who by
good fortune was not yet gone out of town.  Having therefore first
examined him privately, and then confronted him with me and the young
girl, his majesty began to think that what we told him might possibly be
true. He desired the queen to order that a particular care should be
taken of me; and was of opinion that Glumdalclitch should still continue
in her office of tending me, because he observed we had a great affection
for each other.  A convenient apartment was provided for her at court:
she had a sort of governess appointed to take care of her education, a
maid to dress her, and two other servants for menial offices; but the
care of me was wholly appropriated to herself.  The queen commanded her
own cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might serve me for a
bedchamber, after the model that Glumdalclitch and I should agree upon.
This man was a most ingenious artist, and according to my direction, in
three weeks finished for me a wooden chamber of sixteen feet square, and
twelve high, with sash-windows, a door, and two closets, like a London
bed-chamber.  The board, that made the ceiling, was to be lifted up and
down by two hinges, to put in a bed ready furnished by her majesty's
upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every day to air, made it with
her own hands, and letting it down at night, locked up the roof over me.
A nice workman, who was famous for little curiosities, undertook to make
me two chairs, with backs and frames, of a substance not unlike ivory,
and two tables, with a cabinet to put my things in.  The room was quilted
on all sides, as well as the floor and the ceiling, to prevent any
accident from the carelessness of those who carried me, and to break the
force of a jolt, when I went in a coach.  I desired a lock for my door,
to prevent rats and mice from coming in.  The smith, after several
attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen among them, for I have
known a larger at the gate of a gentleman's house in England.  I made a
shift to keep the key in a pocket of my own, fearing Glumdalclitch might
lose it.  The queen likewise ordered the thinnest silks that could be
gotten, to make me clothes, not much thicker than an English blanket,
very cumbersome till I was accustomed to them.  They were after the
fashion of the kingdom, partly resembling the Persian, and partly the
Chinese, and are a very grave and decent habit.

The queen became so fond of my company, that she could not dine without
me.  I had a table placed upon the same at which her majesty ate, just at
her left elbow, and a chair to sit on.  Glumdalclitch stood on a stool on
the floor near my table, to assist and take care of me.  I had an entire
set of silver dishes and plates, and other necessaries, which, in
proportion to those of the queen, were not much bigger than what I have
seen in a London toy-shop for the furniture of a baby-house: these my
little nurse kept in her pocket in a silver box, and gave me at meals as
I wanted them, always cleaning them herself.  No person dined with the
queen but the two princesses royal, the eldest sixteen years old, and the
younger at that time thirteen and a month.  Her majesty used to put a bit
of meat upon one of my dishes, out of which I carved for myself, and her
diversion was to see me eat in miniature: for the queen (who had indeed
but a weak stomach) took up, at one mouthful, as much as a dozen English
farmers could eat at a meal, which to me was for some time a very
nauseous sight.  She would craunch the wing of a lark, bones and all,
between her teeth, although it were nine times as large as that of a
full-grown turkey; and put a bit of bread into her mouth as big as two
twelve-penny loaves.  She drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at
a draught.  Her knives were twice as long as a scythe, set straight upon
the handle.  The spoons, forks, and other instruments, were all in the
same proportion.  I remember when Glumdalclitch carried me, out of
curiosity, to see some of the tables at court, where ten or a dozen of
those enormous knives and forks were lifted up together, I thought I had
never till then beheld so terrible a sight.

It is the custom, that every Wednesday (which, as I have observed, is
their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both sexes,
dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I was now become a
great favourite; and at these times, my little chair and table were
placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-cellars.  This prince
took a pleasure in conversing with me, inquiring into the manners,
religion, laws, government, and learning of Europe; wherein I gave him
the best account I was able.  His apprehension was so clear, and his
judgment so exact, that he made very wise reflections and observations
upon all I said.  But I confess, that, after I had been a little too
copious in talking of my own beloved country, of our trade and wars by
sea and land, of our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the
prejudices of his education prevailed so far, that he could not forbear
taking me up in his right hand, and stroking me gently with the other,
after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, "whether I was a whig or tory?"
Then turning to his first minister, who waited behind him with a white
staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the Royal Sovereign, he observed
"how contemptible a thing was human grandeur, which could be mimicked by
such diminutive insects as I: and yet," says he, "I dare engage these
creatures have their titles and distinctions of honour; they contrive
little nests and burrows, that they call houses and cities; they make a
figure in dress and equipage; they love, they fight, they dispute, they
cheat, they betray!"  And thus he continued on, while my colour came and
went several times, with indignation, to hear our noble country, the
mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of France, the arbitress of
Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honour, and truth, the pride and envy
of the world, so contemptuously treated.

But as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature
thoughts I began to doubt whether I was injured or no.  For, after having
been accustomed several months to the sight and converse of this people,
and observed every object upon which I cast mine eyes to be of
proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first conceived from their
bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that if I had then beheld a company
of English lords and ladies in their finery and birth-day clothes, acting
their several parts in the most courtly manner of strutting, and bowing,
and prating, to say the truth, I should have been strongly tempted to
laugh as much at them as the king and his grandees did at me.  Neither,
indeed, could I forbear smiling at myself, when the queen used to place
me upon her hand towards a looking-glass, by which both our persons
appeared before me in full view together; and there could be nothing more
ridiculous than the comparison; so that I really began to imagine myself
dwindled many degrees below my usual size.

Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the queen's dwarf; who being
of the lowest stature that was ever in that country (for I verily think
he was not full thirty feet high), became so insolent at seeing a
creature so much beneath him, that he would always affect to swagger and
look big as he passed by me in the queen's antechamber, while I was
standing on some table talking with the lords or ladies of the court, and
he seldom failed of a smart word or two upon my littleness; against which
I could only revenge myself by calling him brother, challenging him to
wrestle, and such repartees as are usually in the mouths of court pages.
One day, at dinner, this malicious little cub was so nettled with
something I had said to him, that, raising himself upon the frame of her
majesty's chair, he took me up by the middle, as I was sitting down, not
thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large silver bowl of cream, and
then ran away as fast as he could.  I fell over head and ears, and, if I
had not been a good swimmer, it might have gone very hard with me; for
Glumdalclitch in that instant happened to be at the other end of the
room, and the queen was in such a fright, that she wanted presence of
mind to assist me.  But my little nurse ran to my relief, and took me
out, after I had swallowed above a quart of cream.  I was put to bed:
however, I received no other damage than the loss of a suit of clothes,
which was utterly spoiled.  The dwarf was soundly whipt, and as a farther
punishment, forced to drink up the bowl of cream into which he had thrown
me: neither was he ever restored to favour; for soon after the queen
bestowed him on a lady of high quality, so that I saw him no more, to my
very great satisfaction; for I could not tell to what extremities such a
malicious urchin might have carried his resentment.

He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-laughing,
although at the same time she was heartily vexed, and would have
immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so generous as to intercede.
Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone upon her plate, and, after knocking
out the marrow, placed the bone again in the dish erect, as it stood
before; the dwarf, watching his opportunity, while Glumdalclitch was gone
to the side-board, mounted the stool that she stood on to take care of me
at meals, took me up in both hands, and squeezing my legs together,
wedged them into the marrow bone above my waist, where I stuck for some
time, and made a very ridiculous figure.  I believe it was near a minute
before any one knew what was become of me; for I thought it below me to
cry out.  But, as princes seldom get their meat hot, my legs were not
scalded, only my stockings and breeches in a sad condition.  The dwarf,
at my entreaty, had no other punishment than a sound whipping.

I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my fearfulness; and
she used to ask me whether the people of my country were as great cowards
as myself?  The occasion was this: the kingdom is much pestered with
flies in summer; and these odious insects, each of them as big as a
Dunstable lark, hardly gave me any rest while I sat at dinner, with their
continual humming and buzzing about mine ears.  They would sometimes
alight upon my victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement, or spawn
behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the natives of that
country, whose large optics were not so acute as mine, in viewing smaller
objects.  Sometimes they would fix upon my nose, or forehead, where they
stung me to the quick, smelling very offensively; and I could easily
trace that viscous matter, which, our naturalists tell us, enables those
creatures to walk with their feet upwards upon a ceiling.  I had much ado
to defend myself against these detestable animals, and could not forbear
starting when they came on my face.  It was the common practice of the
dwarf, to catch a number of these insects in his hand, as schoolboys do
among us, and let them out suddenly under my nose, on purpose to frighten
me, and divert the queen.  My remedy was to cut them in pieces with my
knife, as they flew in the air, wherein my dexterity was much admired.

I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in a box upon a
window, as she usually did in fair days to give me air (for I durst not
venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the window, as we do with
cages in England), after I had lifted up one of my sashes, and sat down
at my table to eat a piece of sweet cake for my breakfast, above twenty
wasps, allured by the smell, came flying into the room, humming louder
than the drones of as many bagpipes.  Some of them seized my cake, and
carried it piecemeal away; others flew about my head and face,
confounding me with the noise, and putting me in the utmost terror of
their stings.  However, I had the courage to rise and draw my hanger, and
attack them in the air.  I dispatched four of them, but the rest got
away, and I presently shut my window.  These insects were as large as
partridges: I took out their stings, found them an inch and a half long,
and as sharp as needles.  I carefully preserved them all; and having
since shown them, with some other curiosities, in several parts of
Europe, upon my return to England I gave three of them to Gresham
College, and kept the fourth for myself.



CHAPTER IV.


The country described.  A proposal for correcting modern maps.  The
king's palace; and some account of the metropolis.  The author's way of
travelling.  The chief temple described.

I now intend to give the reader a short description of this country, as
far as I travelled in it, which was not above two thousand miles round
Lorbrulgrud, the metropolis.  For the queen, whom I always attended,
never went farther when she accompanied the king in his progresses, and
there staid till his majesty returned from viewing his frontiers.  The
whole extent of this prince's dominions reaches about six thousand miles
in length, and from three to five in breadth: whence I cannot but
conclude, that our geographers of Europe are in a great error, by
supposing nothing but sea between Japan and California; for it was ever
my opinion, that there must be a balance of earth to counterpoise the
great continent of Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their
maps and charts, by joining this vast tract of land to the north-west
parts of America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my assistance.

The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated to the north-east by a ridge of
mountains thirty miles high, which are altogether impassable, by reason
of the volcanoes upon the tops: neither do the most learned know what
sort of mortals inhabit beyond those mountains, or whether they be
inhabited at all.  On the three other sides, it is bounded by the ocean.
There is not one seaport in the whole kingdom: and those parts of the
coasts into which the rivers issue, are so full of pointed rocks, and the
sea generally so rough, that there is no venturing with the smallest of
their boats; so that these people are wholly excluded from any commerce
with the rest of the world.  But the large rivers are full of vessels,
and abound with excellent fish; for they seldom get any from the sea,
because the sea fish are of the same size with those in Europe, and
consequently not worth catching; whereby it is manifest, that nature, in
the production of plants and animals of so extraordinary a bulk, is
wholly confined to this continent, of which I leave the reasons to be
determined by philosophers.  However, now and then they take a whale that
happens to be dashed against the rocks, which the common people feed on
heartily.  These whales I have known so large, that a man could hardly
carry one upon his shoulders; and sometimes, for curiosity, they are
brought in hampers to Lorbrulgrud; I saw one of them in a dish at the
king's table, which passed for a rarity, but I did not observe he was
fond of it; for I think, indeed, the bigness disgusted him, although I
have seen one somewhat larger in Greenland.

The country is well inhabited, for it contains fifty-one cities, near a
hundred walled towns, and a great number of villages.  To satisfy my
curious reader, it may be sufficient to describe Lorbrulgrud.  This city
stands upon almost two equal parts, on each side the river that passes
through.  It contains above eighty thousand houses, and about six hundred
thousand inhabitants.  It is in length three _glomglungs_ (which make
about fifty-four English miles,) and two and a half in breadth; as I
measured it myself in the royal map made by the king's order, which was
laid on the ground on purpose for me, and extended a hundred feet: I
paced the diameter and circumference several times barefoot, and,
computing by the scale, measured it pretty exactly.

The king's palace is no regular edifice, but a heap of buildings, about
seven miles round: the chief rooms are generally two hundred and forty
feet high, and broad and long in proportion.  A coach was allowed to
Glumdalclitch and me, wherein her governess frequently took her out to
see the town, or go among the shops; and I was always of the party,
carried in my box; although the girl, at my own desire, would often take
me out, and hold me in her hand, that I might more conveniently view the
houses and the people, as we passed along the streets.  I reckoned our
coach to be about a square of Westminster-hall, but not altogether so
high: however, I cannot be very exact.  One day the governess ordered our
coachman to stop at several shops, where the beggars, watching their
opportunity, crowded to the sides of the coach, and gave me the most
horrible spectacle that ever a European eye beheld.  There was a woman
with a cancer in her breast, swelled to a monstrous size, full of holes,
in two or three of which I could have easily crept, and covered my whole
body.  There was a fellow with a wen in his neck, larger than five
wool-packs; and another, with a couple of wooden legs, each about twenty
feet high.  But the most hateful sight of all, was the lice crawling on
their clothes.  I could see distinctly the limbs of these vermin with my
naked eye, much better than those of a European louse through a
microscope, and their snouts with which they rooted like swine.  They
were the first I had ever beheld, and I should have been curious enough
to dissect one of them, if I had had proper instruments, which I
unluckily left behind me in the ship, although, indeed, the sight was so
nauseous, that it perfectly turned my stomach.

Besides the large box in which I was usually carried, the queen ordered a
smaller one to be made for me, of about twelve feet square, and ten high,
for the convenience of travelling; because the other was somewhat too
large for Glumdalclitch's lap, and cumbersome in the coach; it was made
by the same artist, whom I directed in the whole contrivance.  This
travelling-closet was an exact square, with a window in the middle of
three of the squares, and each window was latticed with iron wire on the
outside, to prevent accidents in long journeys.  On the fourth side,
which had no window, two strong staples were fixed, through which the
person that carried me, when I had a mind to be on horseback, put a
leathern belt, and buckled it about his waist.  This was always the
office of some grave trusty servant, in whom I could confide, whether I
attended the king and queen in their progresses, or were disposed to see
the gardens, or pay a visit to some great lady or minister of state in
the court, when Glumdalclitch happened to be out of order; for I soon
began to be known and esteemed among the greatest officers, I suppose
more upon account of their majesties' favour, than any merit of my own.
In journeys, when I was weary of the coach, a servant on horseback would
buckle on my box, and place it upon a cushion before him; and there I had
a full prospect of the country on three sides, from my three windows.  I
had, in this closet, a field-bed and a hammock, hung from the ceiling,
two chairs and a table, neatly screwed to the floor, to prevent being
tossed about by the agitation of the horse or the coach.  And having been
long used to sea-voyages, those motions, although sometimes very violent,
did not much discompose me.

Whenever I had a mind to see the town, it was always in my
travelling-closet; which Glumdalclitch held in her lap in a kind of open
sedan, after the fashion of the country, borne by four men, and attended
by two others in the queen's livery.  The people, who had often heard of
me, were very curious to crowd about the sedan, and the girl was
complaisant enough to make the bearers stop, and to take me in her hand,
that I might be more conveniently seen.

I was very desirous to see the chief temple, and particularly the tower
belonging to it, which is reckoned the highest in the kingdom.
Accordingly one day my nurse carried me thither, but I may truly say I
came back disappointed; for the height is not above three thousand feet,
reckoning from the ground to the highest pinnacle top; which, allowing
for the difference between the size of those people and us in Europe, is
no great matter for admiration, nor at all equal in proportion (if I
rightly remember) to Salisbury steeple.  But, not to detract from a
nation, to which, during my life, I shall acknowledge myself extremely
obliged, it must be allowed, that whatever this famous tower wants in
height, is amply made up in beauty and strength: for the walls are near a
hundred feet thick, built of hewn stone, whereof each is about forty feet
square, and adorned on all sides with statues of gods and emperors, cut
in marble, larger than the life, placed in their several niches.  I
measured a little finger which had fallen down from one of these statues,
and lay unperceived among some rubbish, and found it exactly four feet
and an inch in length.  Glumdalclitch wrapped it up in her handkerchief,
and carried it home in her pocket, to keep among other trinkets, of which
the girl was very fond, as children at her age usually are.

The king's kitchen is indeed a noble building, vaulted at top, and about
six hundred feet high.  The great oven is not so wide, by ten paces, as
the cupola at St. Paul's: for I measured the latter on purpose, after my
return.  But if I should describe the kitchen grate, the prodigious pots
and kettles, the joints of meat turning on the spits, with many other
particulars, perhaps I should be hardly believed; at least a severe
critic would be apt to think I enlarged a little, as travellers are often
suspected to do.  To avoid which censure I fear I have run too much into
the other extreme; and that if this treatise should happen to be
translated into the language of Brobdingnag (which is the general name of
that kingdom,) and transmitted thither, the king and his people would
have reason to complain that I had done them an injury, by a false and
diminutive representation.

His majesty seldom keeps above six hundred horses in his stables: they
are generally from fifty-four to sixty feet high.  But, when he goes
abroad on solemn days, he is attended, for state, by a military guard of
five hundred horse, which, indeed, I thought was the most splendid sight
that could be ever beheld, till I saw part of his army in battalia,
whereof I shall find another occasion to speak.



CHAPTER V.


Several adventurers that happened to the author.  The execution of a
criminal.  The author shows his skill in navigation.

I should have lived happy enough in that country, if my littleness had
not exposed me to several ridiculous and troublesome accidents; some of
which I shall venture to relate.  Glumdalclitch often carried me into the
gardens of the court in my smaller box, and would sometimes take me out
of it, and hold me in her hand, or set me down to walk.  I remember,
before the dwarf left the queen, he followed us one day into those
gardens, and my nurse having set me down, he and I being close together,
near some dwarf apple trees, I must needs show my wit, by a silly
allusion between him and the trees, which happens to hold in their
language as it does in ours.  Whereupon, the malicious rogue, watching
his opportunity, when I was walking under one of them, shook it directly
over my head, by which a dozen apples, each of them near as large as a
Bristol barrel, came tumbling about my ears; one of them hit me on the
back as I chanced to stoop, and knocked me down flat on my face; but I
received no other hurt, and the dwarf was pardoned at my desire, because
I had given the provocation.

Another day, Glumdalclitch left me on a smooth grass-plot to divert
myself, while she walked at some distance with her governess.  In the
meantime, there suddenly fell such a violent shower of hail, that I was
immediately by the force of it, struck to the ground: and when I was
down, the hailstones gave me such cruel bangs all over the body, as if I
had been pelted with tennis-balls; however, I made a shift to creep on
all fours, and shelter myself, by lying flat on my face, on the lee-side
of a border of lemon-thyme, but so bruised from head to foot, that I
could not go abroad in ten days.  Neither is this at all to be wondered
at, because nature, in that country, observing the same proportion
through all her operations, a hailstone is near eighteen hundred times as
large as one in Europe; which I can assert upon experience, having been
so curious as to weigh and measure them.

But a more dangerous accident happened to me in the same garden, when my
little nurse, believing she had put me in a secure place (which I often
entreated her to do, that I might enjoy my own thoughts,) and having left
my box at home, to avoid the trouble of carrying it, went to another part
of the garden with her governess and some ladies of her acquaintance.
While she was absent, and out of hearing, a small white spaniel that
belonged to one of the chief gardeners, having got by accident into the
garden, happened to range near the place where I lay: the dog, following
the scent, came directly up, and taking me in his mouth, ran straight to
his master wagging his tail, and set me gently on the ground.  By good
fortune he had been so well taught, that I was carried between his teeth
without the least hurt, or even tearing my clothes.  But the poor
gardener, who knew me well, and had a great kindness for me, was in a
terrible fright: he gently took me up in both his hands, and asked me how
I did? but I was so amazed and out of breath, that I could not speak a
word.  In a few minutes I came to myself, and he carried me safe to my
little nurse, who, by this time, had returned to the place where she left
me, and was in cruel agonies when I did not appear, nor answer when she
called.  She severely reprimanded the gardener on account of his dog.
But the thing was hushed up, and never known at court, for the girl was
afraid of the queen's anger; and truly, as to myself, I thought it would
not be for my reputation, that such a story should go about.

This accident absolutely determined Glumdalclitch never to trust me
abroad for the future out of her sight.  I had been long afraid of this
resolution, and therefore concealed from her some little unlucky
adventures, that happened in those times when I was left by myself.  Once
a kite, hovering over the garden, made a stoop at me, and if I had not
resolutely drawn my hanger, and run under a thick espalier, he would have
certainly carried me away in his talons.  Another time, walking to the
top of a fresh mole-hill, I fell to my neck in the hole, through which
that animal had cast up the earth, and coined some lie, not worth
remembering, to excuse myself for spoiling my clothes.  I likewise broke
my right shin against the shell of a snail, which I happened to stumble
over, as I was walking alone and thinking on poor England.

I cannot tell whether I were more pleased or mortified to observe, in
those solitary walks, that the smaller birds did not appear to be at all
afraid of me, but would hop about within a yard's distance, looking for
worms and other food, with as much indifference and security as if no
creature at all were near them.  I remember, a thrush had the confidence
to snatch out of my hand, with his bill, a of cake that Glumdalclitch had
just given me for my breakfast.  When I attempted to catch any of these
birds, they would boldly turn against me, endeavouring to peck my
fingers, which I durst not venture within their reach; and then they
would hop back unconcerned, to hunt for worms or snails, as they did
before.  But one day, I took a thick cudgel, and threw it with all my
strength so luckily, at a linnet, that I knocked him down, and seizing
him by the neck with both my hands, ran with him in triumph to my nurse.
However, the bird, who had only been stunned, recovering himself gave me
so many boxes with his wings, on both sides of my head and body, though I
held him at arm's-length, and was out of the reach of his claws, that I
was twenty times thinking to let him go.  But I was soon relieved by one
of our servants, who wrung off the bird's neck, and I had him next day
for dinner, by the queen's command.  This linnet, as near as I can
remember, seemed to be somewhat larger than an English swan.

The maids of honour often invited Glumdalclitch to their apartments, and
desired she would bring me along with her, on purpose to have the
pleasure of seeing and touching me.  They would often strip me naked from
top to toe, and lay me at full length in their bosoms; wherewith I was
much disgusted because, to say the truth, a very offensive smell came
from their skins; which I do not mention, or intend, to the disadvantage
of those excellent ladies, for whom I have all manner of respect; but I
conceive that my sense was more acute in proportion to my littleness, and
that those illustrious persons were no more disagreeable to their lovers,
or to each other, than people of the same quality are with us in England.
And, after all, I found their natural smell was much more supportable,
than when they used perfumes, under which I immediately swooned away.  I
cannot forget, that an intimate friend of mine in Lilliput, took the
freedom in a warm day, when I had used a good deal of exercise, to
complain of a strong smell about me, although I am as little faulty that
way, as most of my sex: but I suppose his faculty of smelling was as nice
with regard to me, as mine was to that of this people.  Upon this point,
I cannot forbear doing justice to the queen my mistress, and
Glumdalclitch my nurse, whose persons were as sweet as those of any lady
in England.

That which gave me most uneasiness among these maids of honour (when my
nurse carried me to visit then) was, to see them use me without any
manner of ceremony, like a creature who had no sort of consequence: for
they would strip themselves to the skin, and put on their smocks in my
presence, while I was placed on their toilet, directly before their naked
bodies, which I am sure to me was very far from being a tempting sight,
or from giving me any other emotions than those of horror and disgust:
their skins appeared so coarse and uneven, so variously coloured, when I
saw them near, with a mole here and there as broad as a trencher, and
hairs hanging from it thicker than packthreads, to say nothing farther
concerning the rest of their persons.  Neither did they at all scruple,
while I was by, to discharge what they had drank, to the quantity of at
least two hogsheads, in a vessel that held above three tuns.  The
handsomest among these maids of honour, a pleasant, frolicsome girl of
sixteen, would sometimes set me astride upon one of her nipples, with
many other tricks, wherein the reader will excuse me for not being over
particular.  But I was so much displeased, that I entreated Glumdalclitch
to contrive some excuse for not seeing that young lady any more.

One day, a young gentleman, who was nephew to my nurse's governess, came
and pressed them both to see an execution.  It was of a man, who had
murdered one of that gentleman's intimate acquaintance.  Glumdalclitch
was prevailed on to be of the company, very much against her inclination,
for she was naturally tender-hearted: and, as for myself, although I
abhorred such kind of spectacles, yet my curiosity tempted me to see
something that I thought must be extraordinary.  The malefactor was fixed
in a chair upon a scaffold erected for that purpose, and his head cut off
at one blow, with a sword of about forty feet long.  The veins and
arteries spouted up such a prodigious quantity of blood, and so high in
the air, that the great _jet d'eau_ at Versailles was not equal to it for
the time it lasted: and the head, when it fell on the scaffold floor,
gave such a bounce as made me start, although I was at least half an
English mile distant.

The queen, who often used to hear me talk of my sea-voyages, and took all
occasions to divert me when I was melancholy, asked me whether I
understood how to handle a sail or an oar, and whether a little exercise
of rowing might not be convenient for my health?  I answered, that I
understood both very well: for although my proper employment had been to
be surgeon or doctor to the ship, yet often, upon a pinch, I was forced
to work like a common mariner.  But I could not see how this could be
done in their country, where the smallest wherry was equal to a
first-rate man of war among us; and such a boat as I could manage would
never live in any of their rivers.  Her majesty said, if I would contrive
a boat, her own joiner should make it, and she would provide a place for
me to sail in.  The fellow was an ingenious workman, and by my
instructions, in ten days, finished a pleasure-boat with all its
tackling, able conveniently to hold eight Europeans.  When it was
finished, the queen was so delighted, that she ran with it in her lap to
the king, who ordered it to be put into a cistern full of water, with me
in it, by way of trial, where I could not manage my two sculls, or little
oars, for want of room.  But the queen had before contrived another
project.  She ordered the joiner to make a wooden trough of three hundred
feet long, fifty broad, and eight deep; which, being well pitched, to
prevent leaking, was placed on the floor, along the wall, in an outer
room of the palace.  It had a cock near the bottom to let out the water,
when it began to grow stale; and two servants could easily fill it in
half an hour.  Here I often used to row for my own diversion, as well as
that of the queen and her ladies, who thought themselves well entertained
with my skill and agility.  Sometimes I would put up my sail, and then my
business was only to steer, while the ladies gave me a gale with their
fans; and, when they were weary, some of their pages would blow my sail
forward with their breath, while I showed my art by steering starboard or
larboard as I pleased.  When I had done, Glumdalclitch always carried
back my boat into her closet, and hung it on a nail to dry.

In this exercise I once met an accident, which had like to have cost me
my life; for, one of the pages having put my boat into the trough, the
governess who attended Glumdalclitch very officiously lifted me up, to
place me in the boat: but I happened to slip through her fingers, and
should infallibly have fallen down forty feet upon the floor, if, by the
luckiest chance in the world, I had not been stopped by a corking-pin
that stuck in the good gentlewoman's stomacher; the head of the pin
passing between my shirt and the waistband of my breeches, and thus I was
held by the middle in the air, till Glumdalclitch ran to my relief.

Another time, one of the servants, whose office it was to fill my trough
every third day with fresh water, was so careless as to let a huge frog
(not perceiving it) slip out of his pail.  The frog lay concealed till I
was put into my boat, but then, seeing a resting-place, climbed up, and
made it lean so much on one side, that I was forced to balance it with
all my weight on the other, to prevent overturning.  When the frog was
got in, it hopped at once half the length of the boat, and then over my
head, backward and forward, daubing my face and clothes with its odious
slime.  The largeness of its features made it appear the most deformed
animal that can be conceived.  However, I desired Glumdalclitch to let me
deal with it alone.  I banged it a good while with one of my sculls, and
at last forced it to leap out of the boat.

But the greatest danger I ever underwent in that kingdom, was from a
monkey, who belonged to one of the clerks of the kitchen.  Glumdalclitch
had locked me up in her closet, while she went somewhere upon business,
or a visit.  The weather being very warm, the closet-window was left
open, as well as the windows and the door of my bigger box, in which I
usually lived, because of its largeness and conveniency.  As I sat
quietly meditating at my table, I heard something bounce in at the
closet-window, and skip about from one side to the other: whereat,
although I was much alarmed, yet I ventured to look out, but not stirring
from my seat; and then I saw this frolicsome animal frisking and leaping
up and down, till at last he came to my box, which he seemed to view with
great pleasure and curiosity, peeping in at the door and every window.  I
retreated to the farther corner of my room; or box; but the monkey
looking in at every side, put me in such a fright, that I wanted presence
of mind to conceal myself under the bed, as I might easily have done.
After some time spent in peeping, grinning, and chattering, he at last
espied me; and reaching one of his paws in at the door, as a cat does
when she plays with a mouse, although I often shifted place to avoid him,
he at length seized the lappet of my coat (which being made of that
country silk, was very thick and strong), and dragged me out.  He took me
up in his right fore-foot and held me as a nurse does a child she is
going to suckle, just as I have seen the same sort of creature do with a
kitten in Europe; and when I offered to struggle he squeezed me so hard,
that I thought it more prudent to submit.  I have good reason to believe,
that he took me for a young one of his own species, by his often stroking
my face very gently with his other paw.  In these diversions he was
interrupted by a noise at the closet door, as if somebody were opening
it: whereupon he suddenly leaped up to the window at which he had come
in, and thence upon the leads and gutters, walking upon three legs, and
holding me in the fourth, till he clambered up to a roof that was next to
ours.  I heard Glumdalclitch give a shriek at the moment he was carrying
me out.  The poor girl was almost distracted: that quarter of the palace
was all in an uproar; the servants ran for ladders; the monkey was seen
by hundreds in the court, sitting upon the ridge of a building, holding
me like a baby in one of his forepaws, and feeding me with the other, by
cramming into my mouth some victuals he had squeezed out of the bag on
one side of his chaps, and patting me when I would not eat; whereat many
of the rabble below could not forbear laughing; neither do I think they
justly ought to be blamed, for, without question, the sight was
ridiculous enough to every body but myself.  Some of the people threw up
stones, hoping to drive the monkey down; but this was strictly forbidden,
or else, very probably, my brains had been dashed out.

The ladders were now applied, and mounted by several men; which the
monkey observing, and finding himself almost encompassed, not being able
to make speed enough with his three legs, let me drop on a ridge tile,
and made his escape.  Here I sat for some time, five hundred yards from
the ground, expecting every moment to be blown down by the wind, or to
fall by my own giddiness, and come tumbling over and over from the ridge
to the eaves; but an honest lad, one of my nurse's footmen, climbed up,
and putting me into his breeches pocket, brought me down safe.

I was almost choked with the filthy stuff the monkey had crammed down my
throat: but my dear little nurse picked it out of my mouth with a small
needle, and then I fell a-vomiting, which gave me great relief.  Yet I
was so weak and bruised in the sides with the squeezes given me by this
odious animal, that I was forced to keep my bed a fortnight.  The king,
queen, and all the court, sent every day to inquire after my health; and
her majesty made me several visits during my sickness.  The monkey was
killed, and an order made, that no such animal should be kept about the
palace.

When I attended the king after my recovery, to return him thanks for his
favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this adventure.  He
asked me, "what my thoughts and speculations were, while I lay in the
monkey's paw; how I liked the victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding;
and whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my stomach."  He
desired to know, "what I would have done upon such an occasion in my own
country."  I told his majesty, "that in Europe we had no monkeys, except
such as were brought for curiosity from other places, and so small, that
I could deal with a dozen of them together, if they presumed to attack
me.  And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was so lately engaged
(it was indeed as large as an elephant), if my fears had suffered me to
think so far as to make use of my hanger," (looking fiercely, and
clapping my hand on the hilt, as I spoke) "when he poked his paw into my
chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound, as would have made
him glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put it in."  This I
delivered in a firm tone, like a person who was jealous lest his courage
should be called in question.  However, my speech produced nothing else
beside a laud laughter, which all the respect due to his majesty from
those about him could not make them contain.  This made me reflect, how
vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour to do himself honour among
those who are out of all degree of equality or comparison with him.  And
yet I have seen the moral of my own behaviour very frequent in England
since my return; where a little contemptible varlet, without the least
title to birth, person, wit, or common sense, shall presume to look with
importance, and put himself upon a foot with the greatest persons of the
kingdom.

I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story: and
Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch enough to
inform the queen, whenever I committed any folly that she thought would
be diverting to her majesty.  The girl, who had been out of order, was
carried by her governess to take the air about an hour's distance, or
thirty miles from town.  They alighted out of the coach near a small
foot-path in a field, and Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling box, I
went out of it to walk.  There was a cow-dung in the path, and I must
need try my activity by attempting to leap over it.  I took a run, but
unfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle up to my
knees.  I waded through with some difficulty, and one of the footmen
wiped me as clean as he could with his handkerchief, for I was filthily
bemired; and my nurse confined me to my box, till we returned home; where
the queen was soon informed of what had passed, and the footmen spread it
about the court: so that all the mirth for some days was at my expense.



CHAPTER VI.


Several contrivances of the author to please the king and queen.  He
shows his skill in music.  The king inquires into the state of England,
which the author relates to him.  The king's observations thereon.

I used to attend the king's levee once or twice a week, and had often
seen him under the barber's hand, which indeed was at first very terrible
to behold; for the razor was almost twice as long as an ordinary scythe.
His majesty, according to the custom of the country, was only shaved
twice a-week.  I once prevailed on the barber to give me some of the suds
or lather, out of which I picked forty or fifty of the strongest stumps
of hair.  I then took a piece of fine wood, and cut it like the back of a
comb, making several holes in it at equal distances with as small a
needle as I could get from Glumdalclitch.  I fixed in the stumps so
artificially, scraping and sloping them with my knife toward the points,
that I made a very tolerable comb; which was a seasonable supply, my own
being so much broken in the teeth, that it was almost useless: neither
did I know any artist in that country so nice and exact, as would
undertake to make me another.

And this puts me in mind of an amusement, wherein I spent many of my
leisure hours.  I desired the queen's woman to save for me the combings
of her majesty's hair, whereof in time I got a good quantity; and
consulting with my friend the cabinet-maker, who had received general
orders to do little jobs for me, I directed him to make two chair-frames,
no larger than those I had in my box, and to bore little holes with a
fine awl, round those parts where I designed the backs and seats; through
these holes I wove the strongest hairs I could pick out, just after the
manner of cane chairs in England.  When they were finished, I made a
present of them to her majesty; who kept them in her cabinet, and used to
show them for curiosities, as indeed they were the wonder of every one
that beheld them.  The queen would have me sit upon one of these chairs,
but I absolutely refused to obey her, protesting I would rather die than
place a dishonourable part of my body on those precious hairs, that once
adorned her majesty's head.  Of these hairs (as I had always a mechanical
genius) I likewise made a neat little purse, about five feet long, with
her majesty's name deciphered in gold letters, which I gave to
Glumdalclitch, by the queen's consent.  To say the truth, it was more for
show than use, being not of strength to bear the weight of the larger
coins, and therefore she kept nothing in it but some little toys that
girls are fond of.

The king, who delighted in music, had frequent concerts at court, to
which I was sometimes carried, and set in my box on a table to hear them:
but the noise was so great that I could hardly distinguish the tunes.  I
am confident that all the drums and trumpets of a royal army, beating and
sounding together just at your ears, could not equal it.  My practice was
to have my box removed from the place where the performers sat, as far as
I could, then to shut the doors and windows of it, and draw the window
curtains; after which I found their music not disagreeable.

I had learned in my youth to play a little upon the spinet.
Glumdalclitch kept one in her chamber, and a master attended twice a-week
to teach her: I called it a spinet, because it somewhat resembled that
instrument, and was played upon in the same manner.  A fancy came into my
head, that I would entertain the king and queen with an English tune upon
this instrument.  But this appeared extremely difficult: for the spinet
was near sixty feet long, each key being almost a foot wide, so that with
my arms extended I could not reach to above five keys, and to press them
down required a good smart stroke with my fist, which would be too great
a labour, and to no purpose.  The method I contrived was this: I prepared
two round sticks, about the bigness of common cudgels; they were thicker
at one end than the other, and I covered the thicker ends with pieces of
a mouse's skin, that by rapping on them I might neither damage the tops
of the keys nor interrupt the sound.  Before the spinet a bench was
placed, about four feet below the keys, and I was put upon the bench.  I
ran sideling upon it, that way and this, as fast as I could, banging the
proper keys with my two sticks, and made a shift to play a jig, to the
great satisfaction of both their majesties; but it was the most violent
exercise I ever underwent; and yet I could not strike above sixteen keys,
nor consequently play the bass and treble together, as other artists do;
which was a great disadvantage to my performance.

The king, who, as I before observed, was a prince of excellent
understanding, would frequently order that I should be brought in my box,
and set upon the table in his closet: he would then command me to bring
one of my chairs out of the box, and sit down within three yards distance
upon the top of the cabinet, which brought me almost to a level with his
face.  In this manner I had several conversations with him.  I one day
took the freedom to tell his majesty, "that the contempt he discovered
towards Europe, and the rest of the world, did not seem answerable to
those excellent qualities of mind that he was master of; that reason did
not extend itself with the bulk of the body; on the contrary, we observed
in our country, that the tallest persons were usually the least provided
with it; that among other animals, bees and ants had the reputation of
more industry, art, and sagacity, than many of the larger kinds; and
that, as inconsiderable as he took me to be, I hoped I might live to do
his majesty some signal service."  The king heard me with attention, and
began to conceive a much better opinion of me than he had ever before.
He desired "I would give him as exact an account of the government of
England as I possibly could; because, as fond as princes commonly are of
their own customs (for so he conjectured of other monarchs, by my former
discourses), he should be glad to hear of any thing that might deserve
imitation."

Imagine with thyself, courteous reader, how often I then wished for the
tongue of Demosthenes or Cicero, that might have enabled me to celebrate
the praise of my own dear native country in a style equal to its merits
and felicity.

I began my discourse by informing his majesty, that our dominions
consisted of two islands, which composed three mighty kingdoms, under one
sovereign, beside our plantations in America.  I dwelt long upon the
fertility of our soil, and the temperature of our climate.  I then spoke
at large upon the constitution of an English parliament; partly made up
of an illustrious body called the House of Peers; persons of the noblest
blood, and of the most ancient and ample patrimonies.  I described that
extraordinary care always taken of their education in arts and arms, to
qualify them for being counsellors both to the king and kingdom; to have
a share in the legislature; to be members of the highest court of
judicature, whence there can be no appeal; and to be champions always
ready for the defence of their prince and country, by their valour,
conduct, and fidelity.  That these were the ornament and bulwark of the
kingdom, worthy followers of their most renowned ancestors, whose honour
had been the reward of their virtue, from which their posterity were
never once known to degenerate.  To these were joined several holy
persons, as part of that assembly, under the title of bishops, whose
peculiar business is to take care of religion, and of those who instruct
the people therein.  These were searched and sought out through the whole
nation, by the prince and his wisest counsellors, among such of the
priesthood as were most deservedly distinguished by the sanctity of their
lives, and the depth of their erudition; who were indeed the spiritual
fathers of the clergy and the people.

That the other part of the parliament consisted of an assembly called the
House of Commons, who were all principal gentlemen, freely picked and
culled out by the people themselves, for their great abilities and love
of their country, to represent the wisdom of the whole nation.  And that
these two bodies made up the most august assembly in Europe; to whom, in
conjunction with the prince, the whole legislature is committed.

I then descended to the courts of justice; over which the judges, those
venerable sages and interpreters of the law, presided, for determining
the disputed rights and properties of men, as well as for the punishment
of vice and protection of innocence.  I mentioned the prudent management
of our treasury; the valour and achievements of our forces, by sea and
land.  I computed the number of our people, by reckoning how many
millions there might be of each religious sect, or political party among
us.  I did not omit even our sports and pastimes, or any other particular
which I thought might redound to the honour of my country.  And I
finished all with a brief historical account of affairs and events in
England for about a hundred years past.

This conversation was not ended under five audiences, each of several
hours; and the king heard the whole with great attention, frequently
taking notes of what I spoke, as well as memorandums of what questions he
intended to ask me.

When I had put an end to these long discources, his majesty, in a sixth
audience, consulting his notes, proposed many doubts, queries, and
objections, upon every article.  He asked, "What methods were used to
cultivate the minds and bodies of our young nobility, and in what kind of
business they commonly spent the first and teachable parts of their
lives?  What course was taken to supply that assembly, when any noble
family became extinct?  What qualifications were necessary in those who
are to be created new lords: whether the humour of the prince, a sum of
money to a court lady, or a design of strengthening a party opposite to
the public interest, ever happened to be the motive in those
advancements?  What share of knowledge these lords had in the laws of
their country, and how they came by it, so as to enable them to decide
the properties of their fellow-subjects in the last resort?  Whether they
were always so free from avarice, partialities, or want, that a bribe, or
some other sinister view, could have no place among them?  Whether those
holy lords I spoke of were always promoted to that rank upon account of
their knowledge in religious matters, and the sanctity of their lives;
had never been compliers with the times, while they were common priests;
or slavish prostitute chaplains to some nobleman, whose opinions they
continued servilely to follow, after they were admitted into that
assembly?"

He then desired to know, "What arts were practised in electing those whom
I called commoners: whether a stranger, with a strong purse, might not
influence the vulgar voters to choose him before their own landlord, or
the most considerable gentleman in the neighbourhood?  How it came to
pass, that people were so violently bent upon getting into this assembly,
which I allowed to be a great trouble and expense, often to the ruin of
their families, without any salary or pension? because this appeared such
an exalted strain of virtue and public spirit, that his majesty seemed to
doubt it might possibly not be always sincere."  And he desired to know,
"Whether such zealous gentlemen could have any views of refunding
themselves for the charges and trouble they were at by sacrificing the
public good to the designs of a weak and vicious prince, in conjunction
with a corrupted ministry?"  He multiplied his questions, and sifted me
thoroughly upon every part of this head, proposing numberless inquiries
and objections, which I think it not prudent or convenient to repeat.

Upon what I said in relation to our courts of justice, his majesty
desired to be satisfied in several points: and this I was the better able
to do, having been formerly almost ruined by a long suit in chancery,
which was decreed for me with costs.  He asked, "What time was usually
spent in determining between right and wrong, and what degree of expense?
Whether advocates and orators had liberty to plead in causes manifestly
known to be unjust, vexatious, or oppressive?  Whether party, in religion
or politics, were observed to be of any weight in the scale of justice?
Whether those pleading orators were persons educated in the general
knowledge of equity, or only in provincial, national, and other local
customs?  Whether they or their judges had any part in penning those
laws, which they assumed the liberty of interpreting, and glossing upon
at their pleasure?  Whether they had ever, at different times, pleaded
for and against the same cause, and cited precedents to prove contrary
opinions?  Whether they were a rich or a poor corporation?  Whether they
received any pecuniary reward for pleading, or delivering their opinions?
And particularly, whether they were ever admitted as members in the lower
senate?"

He fell next upon the management of our treasury; and said, "he thought
my memory had failed me, because I computed our taxes at about five or
six millions a-year, and when I came to mention the issues, he found they
sometimes amounted to more than double; for the notes he had taken were
very particular in this point, because he hoped, as he told me, that the
knowledge of our conduct might be useful to him, and he could not be
deceived in his calculations.  But, if what I told him were true, he was
still at a loss how a kingdom could run out of its estate, like a private
person."  He asked me, "who were our creditors; and where we found money
to pay them?"  He wondered to hear me talk of such chargeable and
expensive wars; "that certainly we must be a quarrelsome people, or live
among very bad neighbours, and that our generals must needs be richer
than our kings."  He asked, what business we had out of our own islands,
unless upon the score of trade, or treaty, or to defend the coasts with
our fleet?"  Above all, he was amazed to hear me talk of a mercenary
standing army, in the midst of peace, and among a free people.  He said,
"if we were governed by our own consent, in the persons of our
representatives, he could not imagine of whom we were afraid, or against
whom we were to fight; and would hear my opinion, whether a private man's
house might not be better defended by himself, his children, and family,
than by half-a-dozen rascals, picked up at a venture in the streets for
small wages, who might get a hundred times more by cutting their
throats?"

He laughed at my "odd kind of arithmetic," as he was pleased to call it,
"in reckoning the numbers of our people, by a computation drawn from the
several sects among us, in religion and politics."  He said, "he knew no
reason why those, who entertain opinions prejudicial to the public,
should be obliged to change, or should not be obliged to conceal them.
And as it was tyranny in any government to require the first, so it was
weakness not to enforce the second: for a man may be allowed to keep
poisons in his closet, but not to vend them about for cordials."

He observed, "that among the diversions of our nobility and gentry, I had
mentioned gaming: he desired to know at what age this entertainment was
usually taken up, and when it was laid down; how much of their time it
employed; whether it ever went so high as to affect their fortunes;
whether mean, vicious people, by their dexterity in that art, might not
arrive at great riches, and sometimes keep our very nobles in dependence,
as well as habituate them to vile companions, wholly take them from the
improvement of their minds, and force them, by the losses they received,
to learn and practise that infamous dexterity upon others?"

He was perfectly astonished with the historical account gave him of our
affairs during the last century; protesting "it was only a heap of
conspiracies, rebellions, murders, massacres, revolutions, banishments,
the very worst effects that avarice, faction, hypocrisy, perfidiousness,
cruelty, rage, madness, hatred, envy, lust, malice, and ambition, could
produce."

His majesty, in another audience, was at the pains to recapitulate the
sum of all I had spoken; compared the questions he made with the answers
I had given; then taking me into his hands, and stroking me gently,
delivered himself in these words, which I shall never forget, nor the
manner he spoke them in: "My little friend Grildrig, you have made a most
admirable panegyric upon your country; you have clearly proved, that
ignorance, idleness, and vice, are the proper ingredients for qualifying
a legislator; that laws are best explained, interpreted, and applied, by
those whose interest and abilities lie in perverting, confounding, and
eluding them.  I observe among you some lines of an institution, which,
in its original, might have been tolerable, but these half erased, and
the rest wholly blurred and blotted by corruptions.  It does not appear,
from all you have said, how any one perfection is required toward the
procurement of any one station among you; much less, that men are
ennobled on account of their virtue; that priests are advanced for their
piety or learning; soldiers, for their conduct or valour; judges, for
their integrity; senators, for the love of their country; or counsellors
for their wisdom.  As for yourself," continued the king, "who have spent
the greatest part of your life in travelling, I am well disposed to hope
you may hitherto have escaped many vices of your country.  But by what I
have gathered from your own relation, and the answers I have with much
pains wrung and extorted from you, I cannot but conclude the bulk of your
natives to be the most pernicious race of little odious vermin that
nature ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of the earth."



CHAPTER VII.


The author's love of his country.  He makes a proposal of much advantage
to the king, which is rejected.  The king's great ignorance in politics.
The learning of that country very imperfect and confined.  The laws, and
military affairs, and parties in the state.

Nothing but an extreme love of truth could have hindered me from
concealing this part of my story.  It was in vain to discover my
resentments, which were always turned into ridicule; and I was forced to
rest with patience, while my noble and beloved country was so injuriously
treated.  I am as heartily sorry as any of my readers can possibly be,
that such an occasion was given: but this prince happened to be so
curious and inquisitive upon every particular, that it could not consist
either with gratitude or good manners, to refuse giving him what
satisfaction I was able.  Yet thus much I may be allowed to say in my own
vindication, that I artfully eluded many of his questions, and gave to
every point a more favourable turn, by many degrees, than the strictness
of truth would allow.  For I have always borne that laudable partiality
to my own country, which Dionysius Halicarnassensis, with so much
justice, recommends to an historian: I would hide the frailties and
deformities of my political mother, and place her virtues and beauties in
the most advantageous light.  This was my sincere endeavour in those many
discourses I had with that monarch, although it unfortunately failed of
success.

But great allowances should be given to a king, who lives wholly secluded
from the rest of the world, and must therefore be altogether unacquainted
with the manners and customs that most prevail in other nations: the want
of which knowledge will ever produce many prejudices, and a certain
narrowness of thinking, from which we, and the politer countries of
Europe, are wholly exempted.  And it would be hard indeed, if so remote a
prince's notions of virtue and vice were to be offered as a standard for
all mankind.

To confirm what I have now said, and further to show the miserable
effects of a confined education, I shall here insert a passage, which
will hardly obtain belief.  In hopes to ingratiate myself further into
his majesty's favour, I told him of "an invention, discovered between
three and four hundred years ago, to make a certain powder, into a heap
of which, the smallest spark of fire falling, would kindle the whole in a
moment, although it were as big as a mountain, and make it all fly up in
the air together, with a noise and agitation greater than thunder.  That
a proper quantity of this powder rammed into a hollow tube of brass or
iron, according to its bigness, would drive a ball of iron or lead, with
such violence and speed, as nothing was able to sustain its force.  That
the largest balls thus discharged, would not only destroy whole ranks of
an army at once, but batter the strongest walls to the ground, sink down
ships, with a thousand men in each, to the bottom of the sea, and when
linked together by a chain, would cut through masts and rigging, divide
hundreds of bodies in the middle, and lay all waste before them.  That we
often put this powder into large hollow balls of iron, and discharged
them by an engine into some city we were besieging, which would rip up
the pavements, tear the houses to pieces, burst and throw splinters on
every side, dashing out the brains of all who came near.  That I knew the
ingredients very well, which were cheap and common; I understood the
manner of compounding them, and could direct his workmen how to make
those tubes, of a size proportionable to all other things in his
majesty's kingdom, and the largest need not be above a hundred feet long;
twenty or thirty of which tubes, charged with the proper quantity of
powder and balls, would batter down the walls of the strongest town in
his dominions in a few hours, or destroy the whole metropolis, if ever it
should pretend to dispute his absolute commands."  This I humbly offered
to his majesty, as a small tribute of acknowledgment, in turn for so many
marks that I had received, of his royal favour and protection.

The king was struck with horror at the description I had given of those
terrible engines, and the proposal I had made.  "He was amazed, how so
impotent and grovelling an insect as I" (these were his expressions)
"could entertain such inhuman ideas, and in so familiar a manner, as to
appear wholly unmoved at all the scenes of blood and desolation which I
had painted as the common effects of those destructive machines;
whereof," he said, "some evil genius, enemy to mankind, must have been
the first contriver.  As for himself, he protested, that although few
things delighted him so much as new discoveries in art or in nature, yet
he would rather lose half his kingdom, than be privy to such a secret;
which he commanded me, as I valued any life, never to mention any more."

A strange effect of narrow principles and views! that a prince possessed
of every quality which procures veneration, love, and esteem; of strong
parts, great wisdom, and profound learning, endowed with admirable
talents, and almost adored by his subjects, should, from a nice,
unnecessary scruple, whereof in Europe we can have no conception, let
slip an opportunity put into his hands that would have made him absolute
master of the lives, the liberties, and the fortunes of his people!
Neither do I say this, with the least intention to detract from the many
virtues of that excellent king, whose character, I am sensible, will, on
this account, be very much lessened in the opinion of an English reader:
but I take this defect among them to have risen from their ignorance, by
not having hitherto reduced politics into a science, as the more acute
wits of Europe have done.  For, I remember very well, in a discourse one
day with the king, when I happened to say, "there were several thousand
books among us written upon the art of government," it gave him (directly
contrary to my intention) a very mean opinion of our understandings.  He
professed both to abominate and despise all mystery, refinement, and
intrigue, either in a prince or a minister.  He could not tell what I
meant by secrets of state, where an enemy, or some rival nation, were not
in the case.  He confined the knowledge of governing within very narrow
bounds, to common sense and reason, to justice and lenity, to the speedy
determination of civil and criminal causes; with some other obvious
topics, which are not worth considering.  And he gave it for his opinion,
"that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to
grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve
better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country, than the
whole race of politicians put together."

The learning of this people is very defective, consisting only in
morality, history, poetry, and mathematics, wherein they must be allowed
to excel.  But the last of these is wholly applied to what may be useful
in life, to the improvement of agriculture, and all mechanical arts; so
that among us, it would be little esteemed.  And as to ideas, entities,
abstractions, and transcendentals, I could never drive the least
conception into their heads.

No law in that country must exceed in words the number of letters in
their alphabet, which consists only of two and twenty.  But indeed few of
them extend even to that length.  They are expressed in the most plain
and simple terms, wherein those people are not mercurial enough to
discover above one interpretation: and to write a comment upon any law,
is a capital crime.  As to the decision of civil causes, or proceedings
against criminals, their precedents are so few, that they have little
reason to boast of any extraordinary skill in either.

They have had the art of printing, as well as the Chinese, time out of
mind: but their libraries are not very large; for that of the king, which
is reckoned the largest, does not amount to above a thousand volumes,
placed in a gallery of twelve hundred feet long, whence I had liberty to
borrow what books I pleased.  The queen's joiner had contrived in one of
Glumdalclitch's rooms, a kind of wooden machine five-and-twenty feet
high, formed like a standing ladder; the steps were each fifty feet long.
It was indeed a moveable pair of stairs, the lowest end placed at ten
feet distance from the wall of the chamber.  The book I had a mind to
read, was put up leaning against the wall: I first mounted to the upper
step of the ladder, and turning my face towards the book, began at the
top of the page, and so walking to the right and left about eight or ten
paces, according to the length of the lines, till I had gotten a little
below the level of mine eyes, and then descending gradually till I came
to the bottom: after which I mounted again, and began the other page in
the same manner, and so turned over the leaf, which I could easily do
with both my hands, for it was as thick and stiff as a pasteboard, and in
the largest folios not above eighteen or twenty feet long.

Their style is clear, masculine, and smooth, but not florid; for they
avoid nothing more than multiplying unnecessary words, or using various
expressions.  I have perused many of their books, especially those in
history and morality.  Among the rest, I was much diverted with a little
old treatise, which always lay in Glumdalclitch's bed chamber, and
belonged to her governess, a grave elderly gentlewoman, who dealt in
writings of morality and devotion.  The book treats of the weakness of
human kind, and is in little esteem, except among the women and the
vulgar.  However, I was curious to see what an author of that country
could say upon such a subject.  This writer went through all the usual
topics of European moralists, showing "how diminutive, contemptible, and
helpless an animal was man in his own nature; how unable to defend
himself from inclemencies of the air, or the fury of wild beasts: how
much he was excelled by one creature in strength, by another in speed, by
a third in foresight, by a fourth in industry."  He added, "that nature
was degenerated in these latter declining ages of the world, and could
now produce only small abortive births, in comparison of those in ancient
times."  He said "it was very reasonable to think, not only that the
species of men were originally much larger, but also that there must have
been giants in former ages; which, as it is asserted by history and
tradition, so it has been confirmed by huge bones and skulls, casually
dug up in several parts of the kingdom, far exceeding the common dwindled
race of men in our days."  He argued, "that the very laws of nature
absolutely required we should have been made, in the beginning of a size
more large and robust; not so liable to destruction from every little
accident, of a tile falling from a house, or a stone cast from the hand
of a boy, or being drowned in a little brook."  From this way of
reasoning, the author drew several moral applications, useful in the
conduct of life, but needless here to repeat.  For my own part, I could
not avoid reflecting how universally this talent was spread, of drawing
lectures in morality, or indeed rather matter of discontent and repining,
from the quarrels we raise with nature.  And I believe, upon a strict
inquiry, those quarrels might be shown as ill-grounded among us as they
are among that people.

As to their military affairs, they boast that the king's army consists of
a hundred and seventy-six thousand foot, and thirty-two thousand horse:
if that may be called an army, which is made up of tradesmen in the
several cities, and farmers in the country, whose commanders are only the
nobility and gentry, without pay or reward.  They are indeed perfect
enough in their exercises, and under very good discipline, wherein I saw
no great merit; for how should it be otherwise, where every farmer is
under the command of his own landlord, and every citizen under that of
the principal men in his own city, chosen after the manner of Venice, by
ballot?

I have often seen the militia of Lorbrulgrud drawn out to exercise, in a
great field near the city of twenty miles square.  They were in all not
above twenty-five thousand foot, and six thousand horse; but it was
impossible for me to compute their number, considering the space of
ground they took up.  A cavalier, mounted on a large steed, might be
about ninety feet high.  I have seen this whole body of horse, upon a
word of command, draw their swords at once, and brandish them in the air.
Imagination can figure nothing so grand, so surprising, and so
astonishing! it looked as if ten thousand flashes of lightning were
darting at the same time from every quarter of the sky.

I was curious to know how this prince, to whose dominions there is no
access from any other country, came to think of armies, or to teach his
people the practice of military discipline.  But I was soon informed,
both by conversation and reading their histories; for, in the course of
many ages, they have been troubled with the same disease to which the
whole race of mankind is subject; the nobility often contending for
power, the people for liberty, and the king for absolute dominion.  All
which, however happily tempered by the laws of that kingdom, have been
sometimes violated by each of the three parties, and have more than once
occasioned civil wars; the last whereof was happily put an end to by this
prince's grand-father, in a general composition; and the militia, then
settled with common consent, has been ever since kept in the strictest
duty.